What the Dell?

I received an email a while back from Dell.  It offered me 25% off spare parts if I used the special coupon code provided.  I needed two hard drives for one of my servers, so I thought now would be the time to do it.

When I entered the coupon code in my shopping cart, however, the system said I needed to call instead of ordering online.

Let the saga begin!

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Me:  I would like to order two hard drives for my server.

Dell Lady #1:  For your laptop or your desktop?

Me:  For my server.

Dell Lady #1:  For your server laptop or your server desktop?

Me:  Server.  For my server.  The one here at work.  In the server room.

Dell Lady #1:  Is this for a server?

Me:  I have the part number.  I know which hard drives I need.  Would you like the part number?

Dell Lady #1:  Sir, I ask again.  Is this for a server?

Me:  Why, yes it is!

Dell Lady #1:  Now, is this for a server laptop or a server desktop?

Me:  Let me just give you the part number to enter into your system.

Dell Lady #1:  Why don't you just give me the part number to enter into my system?

Me:  That's a great idea.  Here you go.

Dell Lady #1:  Ok.  I've got it.  How many would you like?

Me:  Two.  And I've got a coupon code you emailed me this morning for 25% off.

Dell Lady #1:  I can't honor that.

Me:  Why not?

Dell Lady #1:  I have to ask my manager.

Me:  Please do.

Dell Lady #1:  He says we can give you $100 off instead.

Me:  That's less than the 25% you offered me this morning.

Dell Lady #1:  Is this for a business?

Me:  Yes, as I stated earlier.

Dell Lady #1:  I can only help you with home and personal purchases.

Me:  I called the small and medium business line listed in the ad.  The automated answering lady who connected me to you said this was the small and medium business line.

Dell Lady #1:  Yes, but I'm doing home and personal purchases today.

Me:  Well, that makes sense.  I'm a network administrator, but I'm only doing haircuts today. Can you transfer me to someone who can help me?

Dell Lady #1:  Yes, please hold.

*20 minutes of jazz*

*I hang up*

*I start a chat support ticket on Dell.com*

*I re-explain the entire situation*

Me:  ...and so I've called, and they transferred me around endlessly, finally leaving me on hold until my beard grew back. I simply want to order two hard drives and have the coupon code sent to me by Dell honored. That's it. I have my credit card in hand. I would like to give Dell money. Would anyone at Dell like to assist with this endeavor, or should I just go away? Thanks.

Dell Online Chat Dude:  What's the part number?

*I give it to him.*

Dell Online Chat Dude:  Are you sure?

Me:  I copied and pasted it from your website.  *I give him the link*

Dell Online Chat Dude:  Ok, no wonder why it isn't working!  You're looking at the refurbished part.

Me:  Yes, silly me.  It was the one part available for my server on your site.  What does that have to do with anything?

Dell Online Chat Dude:  You are going to have to call in to make that work.  You called the right number before, but you need to be transferred to the refurbish division.  Make sure you tell them that.

Me:  I have a lot of things to tell them.

*I finally get someone in the right department on the phone.  She sounds helpful.*

*She looks up the part, takes my info, and is about to close the sale...*

Dell Lady #2:  Oh, I'm sorry sir.  I can't sell this to you.

Me:  No, I don't suppose you can.  What's the problem this time?

Dell Lady #2:  You have a dedicated account rep.  You'll have to place your order through her.

Me:  She doesn't work at Dell anymore.

Dell Lady #2:  Have you tried emailing her?

Me:  Yes.  Strangely enough, she didn't respond.

Dell Lady #2:  Oh.  Well, try calling her.

Me:  She doesn't work there anymore.  Can you just place the order for her?

Dell Lady #2:  No, only she can do it.

Me:  Well, since she can't do it, can I have a new account rep?

Dell Lady #2:  I can't do that, Sir.  Only she can release the account.

Me:  So I can't order from Dell anymore?

Dell Lady #2:  I...I guess not.

Me:  That settles that.  I'm glad to hear it officially, though.

Dell Lady #2:  Thanks for calling Dell!

*I place the order online, with no discount.*

*My non-existent rep gets the credit.*


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4 comments:

Some Guy said...

If people ever wonder about your profile picture, they should read this post.

It was amusing that the last lady admitted that you can't order from Dell. And if the ex-account-rep keeps getting commissions, why would she need to work there anymore?

Ricky Anderson said...

Ah, the profile pic. Might warrant it's own post.

And I never thought about the evil genius that is my ex-account rep. She's brilliant!

Knox McCoy said...

Somewhere, the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy is weeping gently at this exchange.

Jan Moyer said...

That is worse than talking to a preschooler about anything.