Evan's Christmas Wish List

Work's throwing a Christmas party this weekend. They asked what each employee's kid(s) would like as a (small) gift from Santa.

Evan's three months old.

He would like to stare at the ceiling fan for an hour, and maybe the Christmas tree for a bit as well, if there's time before his nap.

Since he can't tell us what he would like, we have to speak for him.

I'm no dummy. I won't likely have this opportunity again.

I asked for a robot (small). Or a tank (also small).

They also asked us to tell them something special about our child so they could personalize their Santa visit.

I didn't know it until I was writing it, but Evan:

  • Excels at trigonometry
  • Knows all his Boy Scout knots
  • Is researching the missing link
  • Built a nuclear reactor in his crib
    • This is true most mornings
This is going to be a great Christmas party!

What can your kiddo? What do you want for Christmas?

This post telegraphed straight from Serenity.

Showing Your Gratitude

It's Thanksgiving!

I'm thankful for:

  • A new job that's keeping me busy
  • A new son that smiles at me
    • and sleeps through the night
  • My wife who loves and supports me
  • Family that's close by
I hope you have a list, too.

But what I really want to talk about today is how you show your gratitude.

Does being thankful just give you the warm fuzzies and end there?

Or do you pass it on?

A new organization I've been introduced to this year is called Epic Thanks. Check it out.

A few of the other groups I like are:

What other great charities did I miss?

A Tale of Two Toms

My buddy Knox has some other buddies he's never told me about before. He knew I'd get jealous.

Today he broke his silence and introduced us to Mindy and Daniel Coleman. They have a son, Isaac, who has a rare blood disorder. Knox is trying to raise money for them to help with their medical bills (I don't know if you've heard, but that medical stuff is pricey with a capital $).

In exchange for a $5 donation, Knox is offering the chance to win a pair of Toms.

What could you do with a pair of Toms? Here's a few ideas:

  • Have one wash the car while the other cuts the grass.
  • Bring them along as bodyguards to your next performance review.
  • Start a new hippie hygiene product company - Toms of Maine.
  • Have one Tom stand on the other Tom's shoulders to reach high things.
  • Ask them to move that old piano you finally sold on Craigslist.
  • Claim you started that GPS company before they did.
  • Don't want to decorate the yard for Christmas? Here's some Toms for that.

What else could you do with a pair of Toms?

Interwoven Melting Pot Mixture, Idea Version 6

  • We have to wear ties to work on Thursdays and Fridays.
    • I hate ties.
      • Do you think if I explained this to my boss, she'd let me not wear the tie?
        • She doesn't have to wear a tie.
  • A co-worker quit this morning.
    • She'd been here for 3 hours.
      • We'll miss her.
  • Part of being the IT Guy at work is remaining calm. If you're freaking out and I'm not, it gives you a false sense of confidence in me and calms you down; which is half the battle. I don't freak out in front of users.
    • That's what server rooms are for.
  • Dear Corporate IT Users: Deleting your incriminating emails like a rabid squirrel on your last day of work is pure genius. We in the IT department were totally fooled, and have no way of retrieving those messages. Didn't see that one coming!
  • After 15 years in IT, I've come to a conclusion: I don't like it when things don't work. I like it when they do.
    • You're welcome.
  • Why do people still use physical calculators?
    • Our computers may not be the best, but they do have a built-in calculator. And Microsoft Excel.
Do you have to wear a tie to work?

Do you use a physical calculator?

Are you from South Dakota?

This post telepathically submitted by Nathan Fillian.

Evan's Jedi Mind Trick

Bet you wish your kid could do this!

What are you doing this weekend?

No boring answers!

If you don't have something exciting planned, then either plan something exciting or lie to us. Lying is perfectly acceptable on this site!

Performing for the Hidden Camera You're Sure Your Pastor Installed

I'm extra holy on Sundays.

I drive the speed limit. I let others merge. I hold the door for old ladies.


I'm very aware that I'm being watched.

That's why everyone else comes to church, isn't it? To judge me and my holiness?

I think our pastor even had a camera installed in the sanctuary. He checks the instant replay after the sermon to see if I was behaving this week.

He doesn't know it, but I'm on to him.

When I pull out my phone and load the Bible app, I tilt it toward the ceiling a bit so he can see I'm not just playing Angry Birds or Words With Friends. I only do that during baby dedications.

Time for some worship. Yes! The metrosexual worship leader is doing all Matt Redman songs! I'll just close my eyes and show off how I know all the words by heart.

Am I singing too loud?

Here comes the sermon. Time to bring my A-game. Uh-oh. Did he see my head bob just now during that genealogy? I'd better sit up straighter so I stay awake and he'll know I have good posture.

Maybe a hard candy will help me stay focused. Careful with the wrapper...careful! Whew, got through that one without so much as a peep. But did anyone see it? I hope not.

My wife just put her head on my shoulder...do people think she's asleep? Worse, do they think we're making out? I'd better put my arm up on the seat so folks can see the wedding ring. That'll take some of the curse off it.

Well, that was a good sermon. I think I did pretty well. I even tweeted a few verses so my Bible study leader will know I made it to church this week. Before we leave, I think I'll clean up some discarded bulletins and straighten a few chairs.

Time to head out for lunch with the family...

"Hi, Dad!"

"Hi, Ricky. How was church? What was the sermon about?"

"Not doing your righteous deeds in front of others just to impress them."

Do you act differently on Sundays?

Is your pastor a super secret stalker?

The Gift

Evan after he's had his coffee.

My son, my son.

We waited for you for years. We asked God when He would give you to us.

He said, "Wait."

We went to the doctor.

He said, "If you give me lots of money."

We did.

God said, "Not yet."

We were sad.

Your mom wanted to hold you. I wanted to throw a baseball with you.

The doctor said, "You can't."

We were sad.

Then came Christmas. That's when we found out you were on your way!

As I sit here rocking you to sleep in our squeaky armchair, I am overwhelmed by how wonderful you are.

I love you. And you remind me of how much my heavenly Father loves me.

And maybe someday he'll give you someone as special as he gave me.

God, never let me take this for granted.


The Trouble with Blogging - Guest Post By Daniel S. Carman

Today's guest post is by Daniel Carman. Daniel blogs at Return to Zero. He's a nuclear physicist (thank you, Spell Check), and therefore light years smarter than me.

I asked him to guest post for me, and here's what he cooked up in his thermocranial reactor...


That there's a tumbleweed, not Daniel. OR SO HE SAYS!

Each day I sit down at this cursed keyboard and it mocks me with its sing-song refrain, "What are you going to come up with today?" Try as I might to channel a sliver of Maya Angelou, what spills out is more like:

... The grand stone edifice fell across the alabaster mountains as the inky blackness dissipated into the aether ...

Gack! Truly mindless hackneyed pap that rots the brain. So, I try to conjure the rapturous mastery of the bard, William Shakespeare, and what oozes up from the mire is:

... The callow shaver approached his forebearer petitioning him for acumen and some perspicacity of his antiquities ...

Really? Complete and total dreck!

Now, just when I am at the end of myself, trying to come up with something pithy to say, with a profound moral and a bit of wit, striving to pull a crumb out of my flacid and barren mind, along comes a request to write more, a guest post for someone else. You see, that's the trouble with blogging, it insists upon itself. But, as Abraham Lincoln, our nation's first president, said on this very subject, "That grinch even took their last can of Who hash!". Now I'm not sure what that has to do with anything, but truer words were never uttered regarding the tumbleweeds skittering through my mental cupboards. The point is, I still think, somehow, I have pulled an ace out of my ... err ... "sleeve" with this one, I have. A blog with no point, very little humor, and no taste. Should fit in quite well here I believe.

How To Be the President of the United States - Guest Post for Jessica Buttram

In my ongoing efforts to prepare the next generation for jobs of awesomeness, today I'm guest posting for Jessica Buttram.

Jessica is a much better writer than me, but apparently isn't a good judge of character. She asked me to write something for her, and I promptly put it off until yesterday morning at 4:15 AM.

So, head on over to Jessica's site to see what I threw up together for her.

Office Leftovers

I started my new job yesterday.

I've been quite busy, figuring stuff out and meeting the folks I'll be helping. Everyone seems nice.

The thing that confuses me are the leftovers.

Not in the fridge; in my office.

The previous IT guy left me some presents:
  • His Anniversary card.
  • An apple.
  • Pam's phone number on a sticky note on the keyboard.
  • A 60 minute micro cassette for an answering machine we don't have.
  • Half a stick of deodorant.
  • A folder labeled 'Junk-Spy'.
    • That's a pretty incomplete and skimpy encyclopedia.
  • A can of WD-40.

What goodies have you been left with?

This post written in French by Nathan Fillian.