Letters to Famous People by Tyler Tarver

Tyler did it again.

He wrote a book that nobody cares about, except everybody.

It's called Letters to Famous People.

It's a collection of letters...to famous people...by Tyler Tarver.

You've probably read some of them on his site but I'm told, or made up in my head, that there's new ones in the book. I'm not really sure. I haven't read the copy he sent me yet, but I loved it and it's totally awesome.

Now, I've read some criticism online about Tyler's previous book, Words and Sentences. One of the critiques was that the topics varied widely and there was no focus. Well, this one's different. It's entirely focused...on letters...to famous people...written by Tyler. It's the most focused Tyler's ever been - Hey, look, a squirrel!

Go check it out. I love the Nolan Ryan letter best.
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Potpourri Conglomerate Stew, Code 47 Section 12 Part 8 Subcategory 2 Point 1

• I just quit my job.
• What should I do with 300 business cards?
• I'd like to give life advice to strangers. Seems like good high-browed elitist fun.
• That's your cue to email me weird questions. Email me at arthur2sheds @ g mail. com
• Which is code for 'help me write my blog; I'm outta ideas'.
• Apparently when you make your picks in a football pool, it's not a one-and-done sort of thing. You have to make your picks each week.
• Before the games start.
• The crazy thing? I'm still not in last place!
• Tyler Tarver probably hates me since I'm on his team. That's ok; I hate me too. Jerkface!
• What's an odd talent you have that you're secretly really proud of?
• I'd tell you mine, but it's my ability to keep secrets, so I can't tell you.
• Drat.
• How long are you allowed to be with a new organization before you're expected to start being productive?
• Because Evan hasn't done a darn thing on his chore list yet.
• Bum.

In addition to the odd talent question above, what size shoes do you wear?

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Book 'em, Dan-o!

I'm currently listening to Dave Ramsey's new book, Entreleadership (affiliate link). I'd like to start my own business someday, so I've been waiting for this one for a year. Enjoying it so far. I'm going to go through the printed version with a highlighter.

My dad runs his own business and works from home. That was great for us kids growing up. Now that I have a son of my own, I've really started thinking about what I could do that would let me stay home while supporting my family.

I've got nothing, so feel free to give me some of your best ideas. I'd be happy to steal them.

I'm also reading Knox McCoy's Jesus and the Bachelorette and Tyler Tarver's Words and Sentences, just for fun(ny).

What are you reading right now? What turned you on to it? What's your favorite book of all time? Mine's Ender's Game (affiliate link).


This post approved and endorsed by Nathan Fillian.

Breakfast Foods: The Movie - Guest Post by Tyler Tarver

Today is the day we've (me) all been waiting for. 6 months ago, Tyler Tarver agreed to write a guest post for me.

Then he went and got himself on a magazine cover, accepted into a film festival, and wrote a book. I figured I'd never get The Tarve over here now.

Then I checked my spam filter.

Take it away, Tyler!

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When I asked oh-Ricky-you-so-fine-you-blow-my-mind-hey-Ricky what he wanted me to write about, his first instinct was Why unicorns hate pancakes.

Obviously I couldn’t, because Unicorns love pancakes. They like cylindrical breakfast foods and the syrup gives their uni-horn that glittery sheen like a vampire’s belly.  C’mon Rick, everyone know dat on da streets.

So, I thought I’d give him the cast to the next movie in the works by the Cohen Brothers. A little bit of inside info from a guy who used to date the Cohen Daughters*. 

*Statement based in false.

Breakfast Foods: The Movie: The Cast: For Realz

Bacon: While Kevin B. seemed the obvious candidate (cause of his hair), the role went to John Hamm. Not only does he delight the ladies, but even guys gotta talk about how pleasing he is on the eyes. If that doesn’t describe bacon, then it isn’t. Catchphrase: “Looks like you’re the one that’s goin crispy” pshew pshew.

Eggs: Who’s the only person that can like up with John A. Bacon and take on the evil villain Pancaker? Ryan Reynolds? Too handsome. Will Smith? Too Big Willie. The Rock? Too goatee-ie. Throw away that 87 gasoline, we’re goin with the Diesel, Vin Diesel. He’s got more protein than a GNC on performance enhancers. Weapon of Choice: The High Cholesterol Handgrenade.

Milk: Y’all remember that movie Milk Money where you got to pretend you were gonna get a hot woman to come to your show and tell but instead you brought that clip of your hair from when you were two? Just me? Longest sentence ever? You’re leaving me? Who’s gonna play hot milk chick? No, not Diaz, she’s like 50. We’re going with Rachel McAdams. You always go with McAdams. You hear me Gosling? Attire: All black leather bodysuit with Dharma logo.

Pancakes: Who is going to play the most evil villain ever created? One who can make you feel so good about yourself, think you’re cool, you’re friends….and then BAM, you’re feeling like you just ate a normal meal for Buddy from Elf. Who can shake your hand while stealing your wallet/girlfriend/low-calorie-diet? Justin Bieber of course. He seems nice and sweet, but then you look up and he’s the President…or just really rich or something. Famous Villain Last Line Before Blowing Something Up: You’re standing on a land mine, IHOP over it.

It’ll be the top grossing Romantic Comedy of All-Time.

Thanks Ricky, let’s name a pet together.

What did Tyler miss about breakfast burritos?

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Tyler Tarver is younger than you but older than your mom. You can check out his creatively named website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, follow him real good on Twitter at his code name @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book he won’t shutup about titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.

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Count Your Blessings Before They Hatch

I remember the days of yore. Yesterday, the Internet in our corporate apartment was slower than a two-legged dog crawling and yipping it's way through fields of dial-up molasses.

Today the Internet is deader than a used pigeon in a Monty Python sketch, but with less voom. I am writing this post from my phone. Yes, I am that dedicated/can't sleep.

The good news is the smoke detectiveator thingy no go Chirp! no more. Couldn't find a 9 volt at Wal-Mart, but they do happen to stock baseball bats. Handy!

The Tarve came out with a book today. It's the most awesome thing ever I assume since I haven't read it yet. I would give you a link but that seems like work on a phone, even if Steve iCreate Jobs made it. Go to tylertarver.com.

Have you read Jon Acuff's book, Quitter? I'm on my second time through. Doing the audio book this time since he adds extra stuff to the audio versions of his books. It's what I read when I want to feel like I could change the world and actually accomplish something. Usually I just accomplish reading the book, but I feel like a champ while doing so.

This is the part of the post where I end by asking a question that makes you want to leave a comment. Tell me stuff!

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Updates, Odd and Ends, Part III

• Worst Movie Ever competition? You guys nailed it. Thanks!
• Also, thanks to my mom, who's a teacher, for getting all her students to vote.
• So this is the post every blogger fears where all the words just won't come together. I mean, I have the words...they just won't play nicely and don't make sense:
• Superfluous
• Anxiety
• Fluffy pants
• Surround sound
• Ear hair
• Onomatopoeia
• Velcro
• See what you can do with those and post it in the comments. I give up.
• All right, talk amongst yourselves for a bit while I think of new things to post in an effort to not be lame.
• I love you.

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Worst Movie Ever Competition Update

They said it couldn't be done.

And they were probably right.

But it's closer than anyone thought it would be!

If you love me and/or are human, please click here to vote for my movie, The Stupids, in The Worst Movie Ever competition over at Tyler Tarver's site. My opponent, the evil Clay Morgan, has accused me of tomfoolery.

Let's prove him right.

For all the children.

Love,

Ricky

Extra Post, For Free (If You Pay the Price)

Ok, I'm getting my clock cleaned over at Tyler Tarver's site for the Worst Movie Ever competition.

It turns out I care more about this than a healthy human should, but my clock is already shiny and doesn't need more cleaning.

So head over to Tyler's site and vote for my movie, The Stupids.

I promise I'll never ask you for anything ever again, until next time.


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Updates, Odd and Ends

This post may sound a bit different than what you're used to.

You see, I'm out of town right now. I'm in Kansas, once again. So imagine my normal tone, but with a slight drawl and a bit of barbecue sauce.

Also, I'll be posting later in the day than usual because I don't have Internet access until after work, instead of before. So imagine it's just a time zone difference and we'll all be cool like cucumbers.

We went to a Bass Pro shop after work today. It's like the outdoorsman's Mecca. Reminiscent of Cabela's, but with its own fishing pond and restaurant. It was like a Mountain Man Mall, which I just made up and feel quite proud of myself for doing so.

I'm in a fight for my life. Tyler Tarver is hosting a tournament to decide The Worst Movie Ever, and I've made it to the Elite 8. My movie is The Stupids. I'm tied with the movie Knowing, for some unknown reason. Clearly The Stupids is a much worse movie*. Please go to Tyler's site and vote for The Stupids. This week, we were asked to write a defense of our opponents, so please don't be confused by what I wrote. You want to vote for The Stupids. I'm going to use this sentence as another excuse to use the phrase "vote for The Stupids".

In conclusion, I think children are the future and we should really work to preserve the baby wails.


* The Stupids is one of my top five favorite movies of all time. But that doesn't mean it's not an awful movie!




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