The Ultimate Movie - Guest Post by Knox McCoy

Today we have a special treat - a guest post by Knox McCoy.

Knox McCoy is Superman. He's a husband. Father of two. He blogs, runs The My Bad Project, and co-created TV Asylum.

He's genuine, hilarious and the secret love child of Tyler Stanton and Jon Acuff.

Take it away, Knox!

[EDIT: Knox didn't really write this. This was part of an elaborate April Fool's Day scheme involving Chad Jones, Amanda Bast, Joseph Craven, Kevin Haggerty, Heather Summers and Rob Shepherd. Check out their parody posts by clicking each of their names above.]

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I LOVE MOVIES.

I know, right?

There's so many that are classics. Hundreds that are my favorite. Several that fell just short of the mark. I mean, I left The Matrix thinking, "There is no spoon? I thought there would be a variety of spoons. I was told this explicitly."

But there is no perfect movie.

UNTIL NOW.

I have decided to create what has eluded Hollywood for millions of years.

This movie will kick butt and take names. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make adrenaline squirt out your ears. You'll give it a standing ovation and refuse to leave the theater until they show it again.

It will be called Ultimate Awesome. It's so good, they're already casting the sequel.

Speaking of casting - you can't resist a movie that has Matt Damon, Reese Witherspoon, Sean Connery, Emma Watson, Robert De Niro, Nicole Kidman, Liam Neeson and Morgan Freeman...IN THE OPENING SCENE.

Love on the high seas.

Zip lines. Explosions.

Dramatic betrayal and redemption.

Slapstick. Wordplay.

Belly dancers.

I haven't even written the script yet, but the initial reviews are already in.

"Sweet Alamo, that was fantastic." - Everbody

I promise no Julie Roberts, though. That horse grin scares me.


What part do you want to play in Ultimate Awesome?
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A Tale of Two Toms

My buddy Knox has some other buddies he's never told me about before. He knew I'd get jealous.

Today he broke his silence and introduced us to Mindy and Daniel Coleman. They have a son, Isaac, who has a rare blood disorder. Knox is trying to raise money for them to help with their medical bills (I don't know if you've heard, but that medical stuff is pricey with a capital $).

In exchange for a $5 donation, Knox is offering the chance to win a pair of Toms.

What could you do with a pair of Toms? Here's a few ideas:

• Have one wash the car while the other cuts the grass.
• Bring them along as bodyguards to your next performance review.
• Start a new hippie hygiene product company - Toms of Maine.
• Have one Tom stand on the other Tom's shoulders to reach high things.
• Ask them to move that old piano you finally sold on Craigslist.
• Claim you started that GPS company before they did.
• Don't want to decorate the yard for Christmas? Here's some Toms for that.

What else could you do with a pair of Toms?

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Book 'em, Dan-o!

I'm currently listening to Dave Ramsey's new book, Entreleadership (affiliate link). I'd like to start my own business someday, so I've been waiting for this one for a year. Enjoying it so far. I'm going to go through the printed version with a highlighter.

My dad runs his own business and works from home. That was great for us kids growing up. Now that I have a son of my own, I've really started thinking about what I could do that would let me stay home while supporting my family.

I've got nothing, so feel free to give me some of your best ideas. I'd be happy to steal them.

I'm also reading Knox McCoy's Jesus and the Bachelorette and Tyler Tarver's Words and Sentences, just for fun(ny).

What are you reading right now? What turned you on to it? What's your favorite book of all time? Mine's Ender's Game (affiliate link).


This post approved and endorsed by Nathan Fillian.

Interview With Knox McCoy

Today, I get the day off.

Knox McCoy interviewed me for his Residents of Awesometown series, and you can read the majesticallness of my red-lettered responses right here.

If you haven't read any of Knox's stuff, check out his site while you're over there. He's naturally funny and an incredibly talented wordsmith. Lots of bloggers are amusing, but Knox has some serious writing chops to boot.

Chops to Boot would make a great name for an indie rock band.

Get on that, Hipsters...

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Guest Post for Knox McCoy

Today I'm taking you on a field trip.

Get on the bus, kids - we're going to Knox McCoy's site for a guest post!

We'll have fun discussing who the Frank Sinatra of our time is. At least, we'll have fun if you agree with me. If not, then buzz off.

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A Survival Guide to Pregnancy - Guest Post by Knox McCoy

Today's set of new dad tips is from Knox McCoy. He's awesome. I mean, just look at that name. How can a guy with a name like that not be awesome? His folks set him up right. How am I ever going to top that?

We swapped guest posts today. I wrote about working the drive-thru at Taco Bell, an idea Mr. Fort Knox inspired with this post.

So head on over to Knox's site and check it out!

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A Survival Guide to Pregnancy

by Knox McCoy

So you're going to be a dad. That's awesome. I'm so happy for you. What's the first thing you did when you found out? Think about playing catch with your son? Consider how to lawfully yet forcefully grab your daughter's future boyfriend by the throat and casually introduce him to your firearm? Those are good things, friend. Nay, those are GREAT things.

But they aren't useful to you now. What's useful is surviving. I'm not talking about surviving your child's infancy or the surly teenage years. I'm talking about surviving your wife's pregnancy.

Know this: after your wife becomes pregnant, you carry the same emotional relevancy of a crash test dummy. New hormones flood her system and crazily careen and coarse through her on the reg.

The first trip I went on with my wife to the baby doc led to the nurse practitioner telling me that if I had an ounce of the hormones in my stupid male body that my wife had in hers, that my body would explode. She also said that some countries have considered not charging pregnant women with assault crimes because of the hormone quotient. Are you listening? I made exactly NONE of that up.

But I totally get it! New life is being made in there. I expect it to be a little more dramatic than building a ginger bread house. So here's 4 tips to lasting through the pregnancy with your life intact.

1. Acquiesce, Acquiesce, Acquiesce

So dinner comes and she wants Indian Food and you want Pizza. Guess what, Bro Pesci? You want Indian Food. Nothing can be as vitriolic as food choice. Why? Because pregnant women have very polarizing taste buds and it changes quickly. So when she covets a particular cuisine. Then YOU covet that cuisine too.

2. Do Your Chores (And Hers)

Are you miffed because she didn't do the laundry or the dishes look like a Mt. Vesuvius of left overs and soiled kitchenware? Well guess what? She grew an elbow today. What are you doing? A crap ton of nothing probably compared to that.

3. Don't Complain. Ever.

Does your head hurt? Do you get migraines? That's cute. She's growing a human being inside her body and sometimes it stretches, kicks, and thunder punches her. Imagine having a leprechaun in your brain doing scissor kicks against your medulla. That's what it's like but IN UTERO. So maybe you do have a legit complaint, but stuff it. Unless you have a Siamese twin. Then I guess it's all even?

4. It's Not Personal.

Here's the thing: she goes through 9 months of discomfort and at the end of it, a human being comes out of her. That's her journey. In terms of painfulness, you have nothing to compare to that. But you will be lashed out at. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's God's way of balancing things out. But she's going to freak out on you sometimes for no reason at all. One minute you're talking about Richard Gere and the next minute she's in your face threatening you with bodily harm. It's not personal. She just needs to exert some frustration and by sharing a domicile with her, you will normally be the unfortunate target. Just let it roll and tread lightly.

Your wife's pregnancy is like a campfire. Tended to cautiously, it can be super enjoyable. But if ignored and wrecklessly managed, it will burn your face off. I'm not promising you anything, but if you follow these 4 tenets, you have a greater than 65% chance of seeing your child's birth. Godspeed.

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