Updates, Odd and Ends, Part II

I used 'II' instead of '2' since it feels more official, and trust me, this post is all kinds of official.

I'm traveling for work this week and next. That means my roommate and I can work on exceeding our personal goals of amount of pizza consumed in a two-week period. We had Chicago style last night, and we're going for thin crust fancy stuff tonight.

We were going to go to a World War I museum tomorrow to do our part as responsible Americans to learn about our history and stimulate the economy. Guess we can't do that now because the politicians are shutting down the government. Did you notice how if a shutdown occurs, the honorable folks in the military who put their lives on the line every day in our defense won't get paid, but the politicians who yap endlessly and do nothing productive will continue to get paid as though they're worth something? I wish we could just shut them down and leave the working folks alone. Vote 'em all out next time - both parties. Forget term limits; I'm now for a 'no incumbents' rule.

One time, at band camp, I never went to band camp.

Peace and pancakes.




What would you do to make the politicians fix their mess before a shutdown occurs at midnight?




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Updates, Odd and Ends

This post may sound a bit different than what you're used to.

You see, I'm out of town right now. I'm in Kansas, once again. So imagine my normal tone, but with a slight drawl and a bit of barbecue sauce.

Also, I'll be posting later in the day than usual because I don't have Internet access until after work, instead of before. So imagine it's just a time zone difference and we'll all be cool like cucumbers.

We went to a Bass Pro shop after work today. It's like the outdoorsman's Mecca. Reminiscent of Cabela's, but with its own fishing pond and restaurant. It was like a Mountain Man Mall, which I just made up and feel quite proud of myself for doing so.

I'm in a fight for my life. Tyler Tarver is hosting a tournament to decide The Worst Movie Ever, and I've made it to the Elite 8. My movie is The Stupids. I'm tied with the movie Knowing, for some unknown reason. Clearly The Stupids is a much worse movie*. Please go to Tyler's site and vote for The Stupids. This week, we were asked to write a defense of our opponents, so please don't be confused by what I wrote. You want to vote for The Stupids. I'm going to use this sentence as another excuse to use the phrase "vote for The Stupids".

In conclusion, I think children are the future and we should really work to preserve the baby wails.


* The Stupids is one of my top five favorite movies of all time. But that doesn't mean it's not an awful movie!




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Flights to Kansas City, Part 3

I always get to sit next to the interesting folks on the flight to Kansas City.  I've done it fourteen times now, and I've had an adventure almost every time.

The return flights are usually normal.  I attribute this to the fact I'm headed home.

--
Once, on a connection from Dallas, I was late to board my flight.  They'd held the plane for us.  I hastily found the only empty seat on the plane, and sat down with a sigh.

There was an older lady next to me, looking out the window.

She turned to me and smiled sweetly.  I smiled back.

"How are you today, young man?"

"Just fine, ma'am.  And you?"

"Oh, I'm doing wonderfully.  Can't complain."

I put my bag under the seat and offered her some gum to relieve the ear pressure during the flight (Offering a piece to the strangers in my row is a regular custom of mine.  If one of them turns out to be a terrorist or a hijacker, I want to be on their good side).

"No, thank you.  I'm never bothered on planes."

I put the gum away and leaned back to endure the flight.

"I do have one thing you should know, son."

I turned to her attentively.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"I broke my elbow two days ago, and if you bump it one more time, I'm going to scream in your ear as loud as I can."

She smiled at me sweetly.

--
I wrote this series of posts on the plane back from Kansas City.  This was my last trip.  As we taxied up to the gate at home, the quiet lady next to me spoke up.  Turns out she's lived in Kansas City for the last 25 years and is sick of it.  She's moving to New Mexico.

Welcome to Normal, ma'am!

Flights to Kansas City, Part 2

I always get to sit next to the interesting folks on the flight to Kansas City.  I've done it fourteen times now, and I've had an adventure almost every time.

The return flights are usually normal.  I attribute this to the fact I'm headed home.

--
One time, I was kept company by a gentleman whose last name was Pigg.  I won't use his first name, because Darryl seemed nice and I'd hate to embarrass him.

He had a red mullet and thin pigtail.  His left eye wandered around, looking for adventures his right one couldn't take.

He was fidgety, and talked faster than I could listen.

We talked about work for a bit, and then about Kansas City.  He'd lived there most of his life, and knew the town like the back of his hand.  He asked where I was staying and how long I'd be there.

I lied, of course.  Something in the back of my mind told me to be careful.

Darryl told me where I was staying was too expensive, and he could find me somewhere cheaper.

"No thanks.  We're getting a good rate and work pays for it.  It's close to where I need to be."

"Then you should stay with me, man."

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass."

"Well, if you change your mind, then you should call me.  Here's my name and number."

"Um, thanks.  I'll keep it in mind."

"You should call me anyway.  What are you doing tonight?"

"Uh, I think I have to work tonight."

"What's your number, man?  I'll call you tomorrow and we can hang out.  You can come over to my place."

"Ooh, sorry - tomorrow's the big meeting.  Can't make it.  Thanks, though."

"No problem.  What was your number?"

"Uh, I don't have one."

"What's your problem, man?"

*I don't want to end up on a meat hook in your basement, Darryl.  THAT'S my problem!*

"What?  I can't hear you.  Music's too loud!"

*I hastily plop in my headphones and pray for the landing.*

Flights to Kansas City, Part 1

I always get to sit next to the interesting folks on the flight to Kansas City.  I've done it fourteen times now, and I've had an adventure almost every time.

The return flights are usually normal.  I attribute this to the fact I'm headed home.

This time, I noticed he smelled funny, and so of course he picked the seat next to me.

"I used to do crack, but now I just smoke pot."

"Um, hi."

I was fishing around in my bag for my headphones, but it was too late.

"I'm a musician", he continued.  "And a stand-up comedian."

"That's cool."  Where were my headphones?

"Wanna hear some of my stuff?"

"Actually, I was just going to, um..."

"Awesome!"

And then he proceeded to tell me dead Haitian jokes.

Lots of them.  After each joke, he asked me what I thought.

"Funny?"

"No, not really."

"I see.  Is it too soon?"

"Well, since they're still finding the bodies and digging through the rubble...yes."

"But other than the timing, they're funny?"

"Sorry, no."

"That's OK.  I'm going to my girlfriend's house tonight.  She lives in a mansion and grows pot in the basement.  We're going to smoke it tonight."

"I figured."

"I used to be an electrical engineer."

"What happened?"

"I'm free, man, I'm free."

"That makes sense."

"Maybe when I'm fifty."

"Yeah, I'd wait until then."

"For what, man?"

"Definitely."