Every company's got one.
The Panicked User of Doom (PUD) can't seem to figure anything out for herself. She can't so much as turn her computer on without calling you six times.
Here's my latest bout with our resident PUD:
PUD: What's that black box on the ground that says 'Dell' on it?
Me: It's what we call a computer. Why?
PUD: It's making a horrible beeping noise. These things aren't all they're cracked up to be. They have so many problems.
Me: *Muttering* Don't we all.
[I head over to take a look]
Me: I see the problem.
[I remove a binder from the keyboard, which had been holding down the D key. The beeping stops.]
PUD: Oh, thanks. It was driving me crazy. Silly machines! Oh! One more thing - I just got an email from someone, and I'd like to respond.
Me: Go ahead; doesn't bother me.
PUD: See, they sent me a picture, but it's turned on its side. Can you show me how to make it right-side-up?
Me: *Click* There you go!
PUD: Ok, thanks! Can we make it bigger?
Me: *Click* Yup!
PUD: *Stares at the picture intently* Ok, now...I just talk to her?
Me: Umm...that's just a picture. You can't talk to it. Well, you CAN, but...