How to Get Cold Call Sales People off the Phone

I hate sales calls.

Somehow, a few of them manage to get through the receptionists.  It's always some company twelve states away that wants to provide "local, cost-effective solutions for my IT needs".  They're offering products I won't use and services I don't need.

When I ask to be removed from one list, they gladly comply...right after moving me to another company's list.

Once, after 100 calls in two months from a company named Insight Direct, I simply picked up the phone, yelled and hung up.  Apparently that was the secret code to get off their cold-call list!

Lately, I've been thinking of more proactive and creative ways to achieve the same result.  Without further ado, here are:

7 Ways to Get Cold Call Sales Folks to Leave You the Heck Alone
  • Say, "I have to go.  I'm being eaten by goblins."
  • Say, "I've really got to cut this short - I'm next in line to jump in the wood chipper."
  • Suddenly forget English.  "Que?"
  • Put the sales person on hold while I transfer them back and forth between me and my alter ego, Crazy Jim.
  • Offer them my company's services.  Tit for tat!
  • Give one sales person's contact information to another sales person.
  • Ask for more information.  "Compooters?  What's that?  They do what now?  Wait, you're going too fast - start at the beginning."
Do you hate cold sales calls?

What tactics do you use?



Sgt. Wolverine said...

The forgetting English tactic can spectacularly backfire when you encounter the salesdemon who happens to know the language you purport to speak. No matter how obscure the language, sooner or later a salesdemon will know it.

I think it'd be fantastic if you happened to use your yelling tactic the one time you got a sales call from a CEO taping an episode of Undercover Boss. I can picture the baffled look on a CEO's face when, upon initiating a sales call, he heard a brief but loud yell followed by a dial tone. I bet that would make it in the episode.

Ricky Anderson said...

Elementary, my dear Watson.

I simply make up a language. I figure if my nephew can do it, why can't I?

And if I ever got near an Undercover Boss taping, I'd make the highlight reels for sure!