The HP Way

Just in case you were wondering, RAM is not hot swappable.

I found this out a few years back when I killed a color LaserJet network printer at work. I had pulled out the old RAM and was attempting to insert the new. Before the card had even been seated in, I heard a *click* and the printer turned off - a minor detail I had overlooked prior to starting.

I had fried what HP calls the 'master logic board', which has the RAM slots. It only costs $609.  The printer itself cost $800.  This printer was special - the sum of the parts was vastly greater than the whole.

I don't know whether I was more embarrassed by the fact I was an idiot or that the technician HP sent out (I assume she was Bill Hewlett's grandmother) was about 65 years old, 4 feet tall and called me 'honey' - as in "Oh, no, honey, you should never try to change the RAM when the power is on. Hehehe!"

Sheesh. At least she didn't pat me on the head, but that was probably just because she couldn't reach.

Then, to add insult to insult, I called HP for some covered warranty work on a desktop motherboard a few years later.

I answered the knock on the office door, and - you guessed it - there stood Bill Hewlett's grandma.

"Hello, I'm Mildred from HP, and I'm here to...Oh!  I remember you!  You're the cutey who hot-swapped the printer RAM!  Hehehe!"

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Things You Could Use My Left Arm For

Last week I made a list of a few things I'd give my left arm for.  There were no takers on my offer, so I thought I've add some incentive by listing a few things you could use my left arm for:


Writing guest posts for your blog*

A gift for the next busy person who tells you, "I've only got two hands!"

A doorstop

A 'conversation starter' for your coffee table

Spanking device for your unruly children ('don't make me get THE HAAAAND!')

Magic tricks

Employee motivation ('Good job! Give yourselves a pat on the back. Okay, now pass it around the table.')

Measuring cubits


*Batteries not included

If you're not going to take me up on the offer, the least you could do is come up with a few other creative uses for my left arm in case someone else wants it.

Have at it!

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Guest Post for Sharideth Smith

I was going to take the day off, but Sharideth Smith, the slave driving blogger over at A Woman's Guide to Women, wouldn't let me. She chained me to my desk and made me write a guest post for her.

Before you hop over to that black hole, there's a few things you should know:

• My post is a response to one of her posts. Here's her original piece on the worst date she, or anyone, ever had. If you don't read her version of the story, mine will make no sense. Just know that my version is the truth, and hers is filled with lies.
• Sharideth pretends to be nice. She'll post things on Twitter like, "Let's all play Words With Friends together! It'll be a great big ball of fun." Then she'll decimate you and leave you crying in front of your coworkers and/or spouse. I swear I can hear her giggling through my iPod. And trust me, the only time Sharideth giggles is when you're in pain.
• Even though Sharideth's blog has a lot of womanizing in the title, it's actually a guide for men. If you don't understand something about your woman, ask Sharideth. It won't be pretty, and you'll likely get humiliated, but she'll give you the truth with blinding clarity.

So head on over to Sharideth's site and learn something about women.

Bring a helmet, you'll need it.

"Oh my gosh..."

Today's tasty entree is a guest post from Isaiah Henni. I love his blog, not only because it's nicer, but because he's writing a series on his studies of Nehemiah, or as I call them, Ricky's Devotion Time Since He Didn't Get Up Early Enough. Oh, and I wrote a post for him a while back, but forgot to link to it from here since I was out of town and/or lazy. Go read it and pretend it's new. Also, pretend you enjoy it.

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One of my friends who used to be in Tech Support related this story to me. I was grateful I didn't get this call, and you'll see why in just a second.

Me: “Tech Support, how may I help you?”

Caller: “My internet isn’t working. I can't open up Internet Explorer.”

Me: “Ok. What happens when you try to open it?”

Caller: “Nothing.”

Me: “Ok... when you click on it, nothing happens?”

Caller: "Yes."

Me: "Hmm. Now which icon are you clicking on?"

Caller: "I'm not sure what you mean."

Me: "No problem, do you know what version of windows you have?"

Caller: "Um, haha, sorry, no idea."

Me: "Ok, go ahead and click on the start button in the bottom left-hand corner."

Caller: "Ok."

Me: "Do you see the Internet Explorer icon?"

Caller: "No."

Me: "Ok, hmm. What do you see?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Me: "You don't see anything?"

Caller: "No."

Me: "Is your monitor on?"

Caller: "What?"

Me: "Is your computer on?"

Caller: "Well, I'm sure it is."

Me: "Is it making noise?"

Caller: "Well, no."

Me: "Ok, let's push the power button."

Caller: "Ok. [silence] Nothing happened."

Me: "No fan noise or anything?"

Caller: "Nope, no lights either."

Me: [skeptical] "... and you're sure you pushed the button?"

Caller: "YES!"

Me: "Wait, so it wasn't on before?"

Caller: "No."

Me: "Well, why were you saying you were clicking on things?"

Caller: "... I don't know. Are you going to help me or not?"

Me: [thinking] "Is the computer even plugged in?"

Caller: [long pause] "Oh my gosh..." [long pause] "Oh my gosh..."

Me: "Its not plugged in, is ..."

Caller: [interrupting] "Oh my gosh... just, forget I called. It is working fine... Oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that... Oh my gosh."

Me: "Thank you for calling Tech Support."

Caller: "You can't tell anyone this, just forget I called... bye!" [hangs up]

Me: [turns to co-worker] "You're not going to believe this."

True story. The person was saying they were clicking on things on the screen, when their computer wasn't even on. Then he finds out the computer has been unplugged the whole time.

This is why the good men and women of Tech Support will ask you every time, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" and "Are you sure it's plugged in?"




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Open Letters, Part 4

Dear Mr. Christian,

What are you forgetting?

I'll give you some hints.

You didn't misplace your keys.

You didn't leave the stove on.

You didn't skip the mortgage payment.

Relax, you didn't do any of these things.

But...

What about Christ?  Are you forgetting Him?

He died for you.  He loves you so much He'd rather die than go to heaven without you.  Have you forgotten this?

Christ is who you get your namesake from.  He is who you're supposedly modeling your life after.  He told you to do some things that you haven't remembered.

He said to love others as yourself.

He said to forgive.

He said to stay away from pointless arguing.

He said to get along.

He said to put others first.

Do you?

How can you expect those who do not claim to have Christ to live according to the principles of those who do?  They can't understand why Christ's way is better.  They have to be shown.

You know what He said to do.  And yet you run around causing fights and resentment.  You spread lies without a second thought of the truth.

Maybe you should do what you're told.

Then, and only then, will others look to you and your life as an example of something they want in their lives.

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Things I'd Give My Left Arm For

Guest posts - you know how I say the Network Administrator Diaries posts write themselves?  Well...guest posts actually do!

To have written one of the books on your bookshelf - Then when you have me over for dinner one evening, I could casually saunter over to your bookshelf, 'peruse' it for a bit, nonchalantly select my book, and say, "Oh, this old thing?  Have you read it?  Not some of my best earlier work; doesn't really deserve to be next to the Tolkien.  Would you care for an autograph?"

Hitting the winning grand slam in the World Series - I played Little League for 16 seasons, and never once hit a home run.  I think this would make up for that.

Being in a movie, no matter how small the part - I'm fascinated by the film making process.  I make Jana sit through innumerable behind the scenes special features.  I usually enjoy them more than the movie itself.  I'm pretty sure she's going to kill me in my sleep if I make her sit through another one.

The ability to ride a unicycle - Come on, you know you want to, too!

To be half the man my father is - In a fatherless generation, I have been blessed beyond measure.

To test out some sort of cybernetics - Preferably something with lasers.  Doors open at my thought.  Vending machines dispense goodness with a point of my finger.  My tiny lawn mows itself while I watch baseball.  Mmmm, cybernetics...


What would you give your left arm for?

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Failure

What are you most afraid of?

For me, it's failure.

I don't like doing something simply for the sake of being busy.  If I'm actually going to begin something, my intentions are to finish it and have a feeling of accomplishment and pride when I'm through.

However, I know that I make mistakes.  I know that I'm not the smartest or most talented guy around.  I know things don't always work out.  I know life sometimes gets in the way.  These thoughts lurk at the back of my mind like old cobwebs.

So I find myself all too frequently not starting what I know I should.  I don't lead where I'm called to because I'm afraid I won't be an adequate leader.  I don't innovate and show initiative as much as I should because I'm afraid I'll fall flat on my face while doing so.

I like being comfortable.  I am good at finding niches and squirming my way firmly into them, sometimes for good.  I don't want the empowerment and attention that come with success because I fear the shame and embarrassment that come with failure.

We always hear the story of the servant with five talents.  He made five more and was rewarded by his master.  But was the reward given in response to the success or the willingness to step outside the servant's comfort zone?  If he had invested the five talents and lost everything, would the master have rewarded him still?

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