Today we begin a new series of
To: Commercial Airplane Pilots
Subject: Every Little Thing You Do
Congratulations, you've made it! You've spent years dreaming of this. Countless hours practicing. And now, thanks to all your hard work, you get to be a commercial airplane pilot. This means you get to look smugly at other people at parties when they ask what you do.
It also means you have 300 crabby people behind you, a co-pilot who hums the same tune over and over, off-key, and kids at home wondering when Daddy's coming back.
Here's a few tips to help you while you're away:
Please make sure your registration and insurance are current. It'd be awful embarrassing if the po-po pulled you
If you're going to make a detour, can you at least make it somewhere cool? You made me spend an hour and half somewhere in Texas one time, and there was nothing to see or do. I guess it does beat South Dakota, but next time please consider alternatives, like Florida, California, or just going where you told us we were going.
If you don't like those silly uniforms they make you wear, you could change into shorts and flip-flops up there in the cockpit and we'd never know.
Bring your own snacks. There's not much back here.
What unsolicited advice do you have?