Performing for the Hidden Camera You're Sure Your Pastor Installed

I'm extra holy on Sundays.

I drive the speed limit. I let others merge. I hold the door for old ladies.


I'm very aware that I'm being watched.

That's why everyone else comes to church, isn't it? To judge me and my holiness?

I think our pastor even had a camera installed in the sanctuary. He checks the instant replay after the sermon to see if I was behaving this week.

He doesn't know it, but I'm on to him.

When I pull out my phone and load the Bible app, I tilt it toward the ceiling a bit so he can see I'm not just playing Angry Birds or Words With Friends. I only do that during baby dedications.

Time for some worship. Yes! The metrosexual worship leader is doing all Matt Redman songs! I'll just close my eyes and show off how I know all the words by heart.

Am I singing too loud?

Here comes the sermon. Time to bring my A-game. Uh-oh. Did he see my head bob just now during that genealogy? I'd better sit up straighter so I stay awake and he'll know I have good posture.

Maybe a hard candy will help me stay focused. Careful with the wrapper...careful! Whew, got through that one without so much as a peep. But did anyone see it? I hope not.

My wife just put her head on my people think she's asleep? Worse, do they think we're making out? I'd better put my arm up on the seat so folks can see the wedding ring. That'll take some of the curse off it.

Well, that was a good sermon. I think I did pretty well. I even tweeted a few verses so my Bible study leader will know I made it to church this week. Before we leave, I think I'll clean up some discarded bulletins and straighten a few chairs.

Time to head out for lunch with the family...

"Hi, Dad!"

"Hi, Ricky. How was church? What was the sermon about?"

"Not doing your righteous deeds in front of others just to impress them."

Do you act differently on Sundays?

Is your pastor a super secret stalker?