Elliott Smith - Guest Post by Stanton Martin

Stanton Martin is a funny guy. Probably one of the funniest guys with two last names that I know.

I begged and pleaded with him for a guest post.

So today we get a treat about a guy with two last names written by another guy with two last names.

I'm confused, too.

You're up, Mr. Stanton...

Poop jokes.

Those are what make me laugh. You can say I have the sense of humor of a seven year old (one seriously overly-exposed seven year old) but I will always laugh every single time someone says, "Yeah, we do do that here." Do-do. Ha!

When Ricky Anderson asked me to write a guest post for his blog, I immediately knew that this was my chance to impress his audience with my own refined sense of humor. Ricky gave me one parameter: my post must make me laugh at least once. Pressure! I rarely find what I write to be “laugh out loud” funny, but he was adamant that if it makes me laugh, then it would be sure to make others laugh. Ricky has obviously never hung out with me, because most of the things I laugh at are not funny to others.

I bounced around several ideas for a post, but none of them were cutting it (the cheese [ha!]) and I even began scripting a video, but I realized my videos never make me laugh. I should probably stop filming those... It wasn't until Friday of last week that I really landed on what I wanted to discuss for today's guest post.

You see, I have this endearing (my friends would use the word ‘annoying’) tendency to get in these moods where anytime someone says something that is also a line from a song, I sing it… This has also evolved into me repurposing lines from songs to take the place of everyday activities—like pooping.

I’ve been known to say things like:
“Excuse me, I’ve got to go evacuate the dance floor." or "I'll meet you guys there, I've just gotta get that boom boom pow real fast."

Real highbrow stuff, huh?

Well, this got me to thinking. What other song titles could be used as a reference for bowel movements? A quick spin through my iPod playlist revealed something. The great singer/songwriter Elliott Smith must have suffered from a serious form of IBS or something. I mean this man wrote a prolific amount of songs with titles that could refer to pooping. Don't take my word for it, check these out:

  • A Passing Feeling - Because we all know what it's like to squat only to find we don't have to go.
  • Easy Way Out - You've got to try a high fiber diet at least once in your life.
  • Bottle Up and Explode - Fast food and long road trips are good for no man. 
  • All Cleared Out - For those days when you feel so light you could float away.
  • New Disaster - Who hasn't recovered from an upset stomach only to fall right back into it grasp.
  • I Better Be Quiet Now - For that awkwardly small apartments dinner party scenario. 
  • Little One - But you ate so much!
  • Ballad of Big Nothing - Wait, where did it go!?
  • New Monkey - Poop!
  • 2:45 A.M. - Nothing worse than having to wake up in the middle of the winter night for that!

If that makes me seven, I'm cool with that.

Take a gander at your iPod and see what songs you can find that could be in reference to a BM and leave a comment about it below!