Things I've Done Once

  • I used to be a professional magician.
    • I did exactly one show, but when you get paid for something, that makes you a professional, right?
      • It was a kid's birthday party. The kids were bored during the show.
        • When boogers and armpit farts are more interesting than your show, it's time to retire.
  • Juggled in front of an actual audience.
    • Wanna see me juggle three balls? Yay! Wanna see me do it again? Hello?
  • Gotten married.
    • She hasn't left yet!
  • During my entire three month career as a loan officer, I closed one loan.
    • It was for my in-laws, God bless 'em.
  • Performed a song using a nose flute. It was a duet with my mom, who also used a nose flute.
    • This is an actual instrument. Google it.
  • International travel
    • We went to Mexico once when I was five. I bought a guitar for 50 cents.
What's something you've done once?