Take it away, ZBrew...
I really wish I could read your mind.
Sorry, that sounded creepy. Let’s try again. I really wish we could read each other’s minds. All of us, not just you and me.
I know what you’re thinking. If we all could hear each other’s thoughts, we’d go crazy from the overload of six billion other thoughts coming from other people around the world. First we’d go crazy, then we’d have a global thermonuclear fistfight, and then the survivors would crawl out of their holes and come up with some sort of global peace alliance, or at least an armistice. This being because the only survivors would be those who didn’t feel like fighting, the fighting gene would be weeded out. After a few generations, it would be second nature, and we’d wonder how we ever lived without it.
|I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened in the Star Trek universe
But I do have my reasons. Wanna hear em? Too bad, you’re getting them anyway.
- The service industry would run a lot smoother. Your waitress wouldn’t get your order wrong unless she was trying.
- Driving would be easier, especially in traffic. Horns are good, but too indiscriminate. There’s not much difference between the “Hey bro!” honk, the “Hey bay-bee!” honk and the “Hey stupid!” honk. Since the last hundred years hasn’t yielded a specific “Why are you driving 35 in a 55 in your muscle car?” honk, I’d much more prefer the option to think at you.
|at least until we all start using these puppies again…the radio, not the actual puppy…
- Let’s avoid us some relationship disputes, shall we? Not just dating/marriage relationships, but parent-child, parent-teenager, roommate, business, and….how many of us have had our parents say to us, “Maybe I should learn to read minds, then!” Since my mom has yet to perfect that, and I assume yours hasn’t either, we can understand the need for this, right? Right? Right.
- You know all that stuff I forget to do, but you remember it and hang it over my head for the rest of my life? I could just go into your memory banks and pull up everything I’ve forgotten and you’ve held on to, all long before I admit to you that I forgot and get in a heap of trouble for it.
Worst comes to worst, we’ll probably figure out how to block others from reading our thoughts, so the whole process would just yield a worldwide Twitter stuck in our heads. Just what this world needs…
Zechariah Brewer has way too little to say and way too many words to say it with. He blogs about how he’s handling Life After FaceBook as well as practical ways to Love Thy Roommate. Maybe one day he’ll have something better to say.