Payday candy bars - Diet or no diet, I'm going for it! I could be on my deathbed, with a doctor standing right next to me. He could say to me, "Mr. Anderson, if you eat another Payday candy bar, you will die a horrible, painful death." I would nod my head solemnly and reply, "Where do you want me to throw this wrapper?" I am defenseless in all things Payday.
Full disk encryption - Why just make one file inaccessible, when you can ruin the whole drive?
Airplanes - Magic, pure magic. They keep the magic in that black box.
Hand Sanitizer - Do the people who bottle hand sanitizer wear gloves?
Screwdrivers - Why aren't they all magnetic tipped? Can we go ahead and make that a standard feature?
Hawaii - Does it ever feel lonely out there in the middle of the ocean?
Professional certifications - I finally got one, and it's turning out to be like I expected - nobody cares.
Network wiring diagrams - Lots of work, very little payoff. Don't wanna do it...where's a junior staffer? Aha - You there! Come here for a minute. Bwahahaha! What? No, I always laugh like that.
The Muppets - I'm sure they're quite a trip if you're high.
Paper clips - I've had the same box since I started working here 7 years ago. It might disintegrate before I run out of clips. I hide my change for the vending machine in it.
Bowling - Did you know it's a contact sport? I didn't either, until last time I went and tackled myself crossing that slippery line. I got airborne as I continued down the lane. There's no dignity left after that, trust me. Not after falling that hard on your arse!
HP tech support - I've actually gotten a real, live human being to talk with me. I have this person's direct line. I hope my wife doesn't mind, because I'm about to start stalking this lady. She is the last helpful person at HP, and I'm not letting go for anything!
Kleenex - The tissues in my Kleenex box here at work have changed colors halfway through the box. Did they start packing it on White Day and finish it on Yellow Day?
Diet Dr. Pepper - An open can stays carbonated for days...when you forget about it and leave it on your desk at work behind your laptop.
Seriously, it's like a pinball machine in here.