Blight at the End of the Tunnel, Part II

I'm milking this audit training thing for all it's worth!

There were some really silly questions about some of the case studies. For your reading pleasure, I have provided the questions and some of the actual answers I submitted.


Q. For what key piece of audit evidence did the auditor rely solely on representations from the client?
A. He relied on sticky notes he found on the CFO's desk.

Q. What could he have done to corroborate these representations?
A. He could have gone to the sticky note manufacturer to see whether they were in cahoots with the pencil industry. This would enable him to research the effects of collusion on the bond rate of the balance sheet depreciation, in summarized aggregate detail.

Q. If the auditor had “kept his eyes open,” what should he have seen?

A. He should have seen the clients dancing on the conference table, wearing nothing but $100 bills.

Hey, it's a survival technique.

How would you have answered?

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The Coworker of Doom

Sick Coworker: I beel sick.

Me: Wow, that sucks. What did the doctor say?

Sick Coworker: I don't go to the boctor, it's too exbensive.

Me: I see. Much cheaper to come to work anyway, right?

Sick Coworker: Ebxactly! Anyway, I took a Sudafed and did a nasal wash, so I should be good now.

Me: *Holding a laptop up to my face, peering wide-eyed over the top at him* That's great.

Sick Coworker: I can't hear oub of either ear, and my face hurbs from all the snot pressure, but I heard that pink eye only lasts three days, right?

Me: *Hiding behind my desk, drinking hand sanitizer* Pink eye too!?!

Sick Coworker: Yeah, bub it's not contagious since I don't rub my eyes too much. Hey, can you come look at my combuter?

Me: Do I get hazard pay? *I fix his combuter quickly, then immediately retreat to my desk*

Healthy Coworker: Good morning, Ricky...what are you doing?

Me: *Bathing with hand sanitizer* Run away! Run away!


Do you stay home from work when you're sick? Then you are my friend and you are welcome to leave a comment. If you 'tough it out', then you may leave a comment and I may berate you.


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Office Pranks

I like to educate my users.

One way I educate them is in the area of security.

For instance, everyone in my office now knows never to leave their computer unlocked.

While the computers may lock themselves after 15 minutes, my users have found that to be plenty of time for me to 'reconfigure' their workstation.

There's a fresh batch of newbies around now.  We love newbies.  They're so excited and naive.

They really aren't fair game, though.  They haven't learned yet.

The best ones to get are the old-timers.  Every now and then, you have to run get a print job or some other quick errand.  You'll only be gone a second.

I have a protege at work.  He helps with the computer duties when I'm out.  He's smart and a quick learner.

But some days he's not as quick as others.

I was working on the computer in the cube next to him the other day, and saw him get up and head for the door.  He tossed me a snarky one-liner, laughed, and continued out the door.

After 'reconfiguring' his workstation, I left him a note on his screen:

"You knew better."

I'm watching my back carefully.

I'd better print this out and proofread it before posting.

*Print*

I'll only be gone a second...

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Hollywood Is Calling

Occasionally, I'll get the rare opportunity of an acting gig.

At work.

Since I work for an accounting firm, the most common role I'm cast in is that of an accountant.

When The Boss wants to pad his kids' college fund, I get the part.

For instance, I periodically review the work of actual accountants. I am not, nor have I ever been, an accountant. However, I have been with the firm for many years. This, in and of itself, means I am qualified to review junior staff's work. It makes no difference that they have been trained in accounting and I have not. This role calls for confidence, and confidence I must deliver.

It usually goes something like this:

Junior Accountant: Here's my work, on time as requested, Sir.

Me: Um, looks good. Lotsa numbers 'n stuff.

Junior Accountant: Thank you, Sir.

Me: *Frowning at the totals section of the 1500-row spreadsheet*  Oh, there is one thing. This part here looks wrong. I want you to fix that.

*One week time lapse*

Junior Accountant: Sir, I spent all last week reviewing my work.

Me: And?

Junior Accountant: Uh, well, Sir...it's actually correct. You see, these numbers add up. If you take the bi-monthly rate times the...

Me: You're right, looks good! I was just making sure you were paying attention. Keep up the good work!

Play the part well, and The Boss is satisfied. I am now free to return to the No Man's Land of IT.

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Missing Me, Part 2

If you're the IT guy, you know how hard it is to take a vacation.  Your users need you, and they have the hardest time coping with your absence.

I asked Kay, our receptionist, to attend to the blog while I was gone.

--

IT has been gone for way too long.

Partner B to Partner A:  Is Ricky back today?

Partner A:  No, not until next Monday.


Partner B:  What?  He was out all last week.


Partner A:  No, he wasn't.



They continue on with their conversation as they head out the door to Starbucks.


An accountant, on his way through with his coffee, asks, "When is Ricky back?"


"Next Monday", I reply.


Accountant:  "J.C. @!!*&!!!"


Me:  "Are you having computer problems?"


Accountant:  "No,  I just miss him"

Missing Me, Part 1

If you're the IT guy, you know how hard it is to take a vacation.  Your users need you, and they have the hardest time coping with your absence.

I asked Kay, our receptionist, to attend to the blog while I was gone.

--
AAGGHHHH!!

Ricky, our IT guy, has gone to Hawaii. Can you believe he would actually leave us for more than a day? 

Let me tell you, it is not a pretty scene when IT is missing. I heard his backup has volunteered for a dreaded traveling assignment – effective immediately.

One of our esteemed accountants was just standing at Ricky's desk, looking sad.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"My computer isn't working," he replies.

"Can I help?"

His face went from sad to 'you've got to be kidding' as he walked away shaking his head.

But the worst one, another accountant who wears glasses, is standing by Ricky's desk muttering to himself, "It's gone. He took it with him."

"Took what?" I ask.

"His cloth for cleaning his glasses, he always has it laying here" (he desperately points to a particular spot on Ricky's desk).

"You could use a Kleen and Dri. Works for the computer screens," I offer as a solution.

He looks at me with that 'you've got to be kidding' look and walks away shaking his head.

People come in the door, turn and look at Ricky's empty desk, make a funny noise and leave.  What is with that?

He's only been gone for 6 hours!

11 days to go.

AAGGHHHH!!!

Fun With Accountants

Accountants can be fun, when they're not busy being boring.

It's surprisingly easy to egg them on.

Take this exchange from earlier today.  I was at the coffee maker with an unsuspecting accountant.  We had two choices - make our coffee quietly and then head back to our desks, or have some fun at the accountant's expense.  Guess which one we chose today?

Accountant:  I can't believe it's snowing today!

Me:  Yup.  Hey, I wonder how much this coffee costs per cup?

Accountant:  Well, it depends on which style you brew.  If one person is going to have one cup, then it's cheaper to use the single cup brewer.  However, if three or more people are going to have a cup, then it's cheaper to brew a whole pot.

Me:  What about the time value of money considering the declining depreciation expense of the ROI amount allocated in the budget?  Did you consider that?

Accountant:  What?  No!  You don't use that approach when calculating the cost of one-off expenditures!  You only factor those variables in when depreciating fixed assets in accordance with GAAP guidelines.

Me:  Yes, until they updated their guidance documents two years ago.

Accountant:  This changes everything!

*Runs off to recalculate his life*

Innocent Bystander:  Do you have any idea what you were saying?

Me:  Not a clue, but that sure is good coffee.