The Coworker of Doom

Sick Coworker: I beel sick.

Me: Wow, that sucks. What did the doctor say?

Sick Coworker: I don't go to the boctor, it's too exbensive.

Me: I see. Much cheaper to come to work anyway, right?

Sick Coworker: Ebxactly! Anyway, I took a Sudafed and did a nasal wash, so I should be good now.

Me: *Holding a laptop up to my face, peering wide-eyed over the top at him* That's great.

Sick Coworker: I can't hear oub of either ear, and my face hurbs from all the snot pressure, but I heard that pink eye only lasts three days, right?

Me: *Hiding behind my desk, drinking hand sanitizer* Pink eye too!?!

Sick Coworker: Yeah, bub it's not contagious since I don't rub my eyes too much. Hey, can you come look at my combuter?

Me: Do I get hazard pay? *I fix his combuter quickly, then immediately retreat to my desk*

Healthy Coworker: Good morning, Ricky...what are you doing?

Me: *Bathing with hand sanitizer* Run away! Run away!


Do you stay home from work when you're sick? Then you are my friend and you are welcome to leave a comment. If you 'tough it out', then you may leave a comment and I may berate you.


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An Open Letter to Malware Designers

You probably don't hear this a lot in your line of, umm, work, but I wanted to sincerely thank you for all you do.

You keep the IT industry employed.

You teach us valuable lessons in common sense and basic security.

You teach us how to be cunning.

You teach us how to clean up the mess after identity theft.

You teach us how to stand on quard of our security.

Whatever that means.

What would you like to tell the malware designers of the world?

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The Trojan Virus

Sometimes it's best not to explain.

Let me explain.

I got a call one time from a frantic PUD.  She was very upset about the virus Symantec had just quarantined on her system.

I informed her that if Symantec had successfully quarantined the virus, she was safe for the time being and I would clean and fully scan her system when I had a chance.

This was not good enough for Ms. PUD.

"What if it phishes me before you can take a look", she asked fretfully.

"Don't worry about it.  Just go about your normal day and don't go to any new or strange sites.  You'll be fine for a bit."

"But what about identify theft and phishers?"

"I'll take a look in a bit.  You're fine."

"I think I heard about this virus on the news!  It's going to take down the Internet!"

*Sigh*

"Okay, what's the name of the virus?"

"It's a bad one!"

"What's it called?"

"The Trojan Virus!"

*Sigh*

"That's a type of virus.  I'll take a look this afternoon.  Just stay off the Internet for a bit.  Cute puppies and Facebook will still be there when you get back."

"That's what it's called!  It says right here on the Symantec scan results screen.  It's called the Trojan Virus!"

*Sigh*

"Oh, right.  I think I've heard of that one, too.  You'll be fine.  I know how to fix that one.  Just click OK and then close your laptop until I get there."

"Will the Trojan Virus go phishing until then?"

"No, it can't phish with the laptop shut.  It doesn't have enough space to cast a line."

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The Customer Is Always Right

We were in a client meeting with a high-level executive, mapping out business processes and examining risk points and factors.

The executive raised the issue of ensuring data integrity and security for sensitive information that had to pass between departments in her organization.

Since the organization dealt with extremely sensitive information, none of their computers were connected to any outside networks.  Therefore, using a shared network file store or even simply sending an encrypted email between departments was not an option.

It was decided the information would be exchanged in person on encrypted CDs or DVDs.

The executive then started worrying about viruses.  "What if the department encrypting the disk has a virus on their system and passes it to the other department", she asked.

So we added a step to the process where the receiving department would decrypt the disk on a standalone workstation and then perform a full virus scan on the disk before copying the data onto their internal network.

We thought we had finally finished mapping out the process when she threw in another monkey wrench.

"What about the cell phone virus?"

"What cell phone virus?"

"I heard you can get a virus on your cell phone!"

"I suppose it's possible, especially if you have a smart phone that runs an entire OS, like Windows Mobile, but what are you getting at?"

"What if the person transferring the information gets a virus on their phone and it infects the disk they're carrying in their pocket?"

*Suppressed snickers of disbelief*

"It can't pass from the phone to the disk.  The disk is already burned, there's nothing connecting the two, the disk is encrypted, and it wouldn't be in the same format anyway."

"Of course it can spread!  That's what viruses do!"

After further discussion, it was decided we would err on the side of calm, well-reasoned logic:  We added a step to the process wherein the individual transporting the disk would carry his or her phone in a separate pocket.

The customer may not always be logical, but the customer IS always right!

As long as the checks clear.

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