Out to Lunch

Sometimes avoiding the obstacles to your goal is the best way of dealing with them.

Let's say your goal is to get to lunch on time to meet a friend.  You've finished upgrading the RAID array in the server room, and it's time to head out.

A new Network Administrator would simply open the server room door and head across the office to the parking garage.  However, new Network Administrators also do not eat lunch.  This is when the pack of Special Needs Users descends on him.  He will never see the light of day again.

Experienced Network Administrators, however, have prepared for this occasion.

When an experienced admin heads to lunch, he plans accordingly.  

He's built a secret passageway from the server room to the back wall of the kitchen. He swings open the secret back door of the fridge and snags his lunch.  Then he continues down the secret passageway to the trap door that leads to the parking garage.  Freedom!

The users could be chasing him of course, but he's not worried.  He's in no hurry because he left booby traps.

When a user pounds on the server room door, a bucket of keyboards and mice comes crashing down.

Any users stalking the Admin at his desk will be delayed until they figure out the guy in the chair is ignoring them not only because his headphones are in, but also because he is in fact a crash test dummy with a wig and a pocket protector.

If the users are dumb enough to pursue, the line of laptops leading to the parking garage will slow them down.  They're open, rigged like bear traps.

And while the users are licking their wounds, the Experienced Network Administrator is enjoying lunch, far away from the office.  There's food, there's quiet, there's no users...

...until his mobile rings.

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Office Pranks

I like to educate my users.

One way I educate them is in the area of security.

For instance, everyone in my office now knows never to leave their computer unlocked.

While the computers may lock themselves after 15 minutes, my users have found that to be plenty of time for me to 'reconfigure' their workstation.

There's a fresh batch of newbies around now.  We love newbies.  They're so excited and naive.

They really aren't fair game, though.  They haven't learned yet.

The best ones to get are the old-timers.  Every now and then, you have to run get a print job or some other quick errand.  You'll only be gone a second.

I have a protege at work.  He helps with the computer duties when I'm out.  He's smart and a quick learner.

But some days he's not as quick as others.

I was working on the computer in the cube next to him the other day, and saw him get up and head for the door.  He tossed me a snarky one-liner, laughed, and continued out the door.

After 'reconfiguring' his workstation, I left him a note on his screen:

"You knew better."

I'm watching my back carefully.

I'd better print this out and proofread it before posting.

*Print*

I'll only be gone a second...

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Fun With Accountants

Accountants can be fun, when they're not busy being boring.

It's surprisingly easy to egg them on.

Take this exchange from earlier today.  I was at the coffee maker with an unsuspecting accountant.  We had two choices - make our coffee quietly and then head back to our desks, or have some fun at the accountant's expense.  Guess which one we chose today?

Accountant:  I can't believe it's snowing today!

Me:  Yup.  Hey, I wonder how much this coffee costs per cup?

Accountant:  Well, it depends on which style you brew.  If one person is going to have one cup, then it's cheaper to use the single cup brewer.  However, if three or more people are going to have a cup, then it's cheaper to brew a whole pot.

Me:  What about the time value of money considering the declining depreciation expense of the ROI amount allocated in the budget?  Did you consider that?

Accountant:  What?  No!  You don't use that approach when calculating the cost of one-off expenditures!  You only factor those variables in when depreciating fixed assets in accordance with GAAP guidelines.

Me:  Yes, until they updated their guidance documents two years ago.

Accountant:  This changes everything!

*Runs off to recalculate his life*

Innocent Bystander:  Do you have any idea what you were saying?

Me:  Not a clue, but that sure is good coffee.