A Commencement Speech for Jared

Jared Clifton was an awesome blogger.

Then he decided to finish school. We haven't seen Jared in a while.

Today is his last day of college. We're going to finally get him back!

I thought we should give him a commencement speech in honor of his accomplishment.

Jared, here's a few things to remember:

  • You won't need most of what you just learned. College is a game where you get rewarded for putting up with crap. It tells future employers you have some stick-to-it-iveness.
  • You won't miss school for one second after today.
    • But you'll be glad you did it.
  • You can't cut class anymore, because it's called work now and they'll fire your butt.
  • Work pays better than school.
  • You think you'll have more time now that school's done, but in reality you'll just fill it with other things.
  • Remember all your school buddies? No? Good, you've saved yourself some time.
  • You won't give a flip about any reunions.
  • Try not to get a big head about it - no one's going to ask you for your autograph
  • Can I have your autograph?
What else should Jared know about being done with school?



Knox McCoy said...

In a million years, you won't believe how useless 90% of the classes were. This is coming from a guy who majored in English. I now sell and print t-shirts.

Not a lot of customers interested in discussing Chaucer.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a ton for the advice! I actually plan on posting my own commencement speech this week. Which will begin my blogging come back. Like Michael Jordan in baseball.

Rob said...

I don't miss school work but I miss the school schedule. Most college kids take 3 classes a day, a long nap, play some frisbee, eat a lot, and then get rewarded with summers off. It's the life.