How To Be An Astronaut

I think most kids grow up to work dead-end jobs simply because they didn't know how to get to their dream ones.

So this one's for the kids. Every kid has dreamed at one point in their lives of being an astronaut.

Floating in space, seeing the stars, avoiding traffic. What's not to like?

Things You Can Do Now To Prepare For Your Future As An Astronaut
  • Drive fast. This will help you prepare for takeoff.
  • Wave at your mom. You know you won't be able to help yourself when you're looking down at Earth.
  • Eat freeze dried food. This will prepare your tastebuds for the nightmare that is space food.
  • Pee in a garden hose. Thankfully this won't happen too much in space since all the food is dry.
  • Practice backflips. You've gotta get used to being upside down.
  • Use walkie-talkies. Practice radio chatter with your buddies. Use the words 'Roger' and 'starboard' frequently.
  • Move slowly. I'm not sure what's so dangerous up there, but I can guarantee it's deadly to move fast. Every clip I've ever seen on TV of an astronaut makes it look like they're moving in slow-motion.
What tips do you have for the kids?