An Interview and the FBI

• I did an interview with Michelle Moran for her podcast, People I Almost Know.
• If the thought of my voice doesn't scare you, the humongous picture of my crazy eyes will.
• You're welcome.
• Yesterday, my buddy and I saw the craziest thing near our office.
• About half a dozen FBI agents in tactical gear were lined up outside a building. They threw open the door and hollered "GET DOWN! GET DOWN!" A moment later they emerged with two men in handcuffs. Two unmarked cars sped up and they threw the two men into the back.
• If you don't believe me, here's an article about the incident, complete with pictures.

What's the craziest thing you've scene lately?

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News and Updates

Fighting broke out today in the Gaza Strip

- Adobe Acrobat is ready to install an update -

Stay tuned to find out what a Kardashian wore to some awards ceremony

- Adobe Flash Player is ready to install an update -

Team coverage of your 5 day forecast begins now

- Adobe Updater is ready to install an update -

Crime is up in populated areas; stay tuned to find if your neighborhood will be burned to the ground next

- Java has downloaded an update and is begging for you to install it -

Your officials are corrupt and there's nothing you can do about it; investigative report at 10:00

- Seriously, Java would really like you to install the latest version; the one it installed 12 minutes ago is obsolete -

Natural disasters! Are they natural? Our experts say yes, also no.

Everything's new and updated, but not much really changes, does it?

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That'll Leave a Mark

My favorite teacher in high school was Mrs. Montoya. She taught the business course for upperclassmen.

She was firm but fair. She was kind yet challenging.

She gave me grace when I didn't deserve it because she saw something in me I didn't yet know was there.

She opened doors for me to opportunities of a lifetime. She helped me land a position at Intel. I was a 17-year-old with a job at a Fortune 100 company. That still boggles my mind.

She took a slacker who was king of doing the bare minimum and convinced me to join the Business Professionals of America and go to the local and state competitions. I took 5th place in the state for web design.

She worked as hard on our projects as we did. I remember groups of us arranging project papers on her coffee table while she fed her family in the kitchen, tossing helpful advice to us as needed.

She cared more than she needed to. She did more than any reasonable person would ask.

And she loved it.

My mom is a teacher, at least for today. She's retiring, and today is her last day.

She's left her mark on countless of kids over the decades. Kids with promise; kids with problems.

I'm proud to know she is someone's Mrs. Montoya.

A lot of someones.

Congratulations, Mom.


Who's left a mark on you?
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Changeup, Chapter 12

"It's all set, Joe."

"Thanks, Mike. I'm glad you're handling this. I wouldn't know who to trust otherwise."

"Known you since you came up to my knee, Joe. I'm glad to help you through this anyway I can. The trust is set up in your name, just like your dad directed in his will."

"What about Mom?"

"He left her his retirement accounts. The house is paid for and she'll receive monthly payments. She's fine."

"I still feel like I'm stealing from her."

Mike laughed.

"Don't, Joe. Your dad wanted it this way."

"But Mom said he thought the stock certificates were worthless."

"He did, at first. Then when he saw me about his retirement accounts, he mentioned them. Said his dad had held on to them as a lesson for him. Never trusted banks or investments after the crash. He lost everything, you know."

"I've heard the stories."

"I told your dad they were worth quite a bit. He said he wanted to leave them to you. Didn't even want to know the amount. Just wanted to know you'd be fine."

"This is crazy. I'll be more than fine!"

Mike laughed again.

"I know, Joe. Have fun."
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Using Your Toddler For Fun and Profit

Our waitress wasn't her usual happy self.

That's the sun. And a tractor. He was adamant.

She didn't smile as she seated us, not even at Evan as he pointed at each bulbous light in the empty dining room and squealed, "HI, BALLOON!"

"She's sad, Evan. You'd better flirt with her so she's happy enough to bring us the good food and not the heat lamp leftovers."

"Train choo-choo fishy Uncle Bob drive?"

"Exactly, Son."

When she came around to take our order, Evan snagged one of her many dangling bracelets.

"Pretty?", he asked as he stared up at her.

"Aw, thank you!"

Evan pointed to the order pad she held in her other hand. "Please paper pen drawing?"

"You want to draw on my order pad with my pen?"

"Thank you, okay!"

"Oh, well...I guess since you thought I was offering..."

We got the desired smiles from our waitress.

And the good food.


What have you used your (or someone else's) toddler for?
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Interview With the Honest Toddler

Today I have the honor of sharing with you a rare interview with the Honest Toddler. If you're not familiar with the Honest Toddler, then I forgive you for not following my advice, but only if you immediately go fix your errant ways.

Here. We. Go!

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My son Evan doesn't like juice (even the red kind). Should I take him to the doctor?

First try Hawaiian Punch. It's basically melted Jolly Ranchers.

Sometimes my son will beg for something - and then throw it on the ground when I give it to him. What am I doing wrong?

You made him wait too long. Cut your response time in half and you'll begin to see positive results. 

Why is Evan afraid of our neighbor's 6" tall mutt, but not other things, like traffic?

Most toddlers are terrified of small dogs; they resemble frantic, hairy, coordinated infants. Traffic on the other hand is like a real-time video game. 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Bedtime-less. 

What's your favorite bedtime stall tactic?

Repeat hugs/kiss requests. Who can say no. LOL

What's your favorite book?

The longest one on hand. 

Evan turns two in August. What should we get him for his birthday?

A Ziplock bag of powdered sugar and a dirt bike.


What else should we get Evan for his birthday?
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Don't Lick the Minivan by Leanne Shirtliffe, Who Is the Author of the Book Titled "Don't Lick the Minivan"

Leanne Shirtliffe is hilarious, and not just because she's Canadian.

She's a teacher, mother of twins and a newly published author.

Her book is called "Don't Lick the Minivan - and Other Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids".

I was only two chapters in when I started making a mental list of people I knew who should read it. Leanne is so funny that even when she's talking about pregnancy stuff, she can keep me turning the pages.

I made my wife read a chapter. This is not unusual. I have to make my wife read anything I recommend to her. I push so much stuff on her she grows numb to my suggestions and tunes me out, but this time I got her to read a bit. She was laughing out loud in 30 seconds flat. That's huge - she's a tough critic.

The hard cover and audio versions are out now, and the Kindle version will be out the 22nd. Do yourselves a favor and pick this one up right away. I really enjoyed it.
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