- My son is very well-tempered. He doesn't cry unless he needs changed or fed. Or when he suddenly thinks wild boars are about to eat him.
- Is it too soon to start using my son as an excuse to watch more baseball and football? You know, for bonding purposes?
- I read my son Bible stories. I bought a Baby Bible from the Kindle store for this. My son is 8 days old. I read; he poops. Buying a Baby Bible to read him is equivalent to reading him a thesaurus instead of Roots.
- He'd better not commit any crimes. I have a copy of his footprints.
- He doesn't have a Social Security number yet. I wonder if 12 is taken?
- Sometimes he nurses too fast and chokes. I have to remind him to chew first and not to cry with his mouth full.
Why is my son so awesome? Make up the most ridiculous idea you can in the comments.