Do buy something your intended recipient will like.
You're welcome.
What do you want for Christmas?
.
Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts
The Ultimate Christmas Gift Buying Guide
Don't buy something your intended recipient won't like.
Do buy something your intended recipient will like.
You're welcome.
What do you want for Christmas?
.
Do buy something your intended recipient will like.
You're welcome.
What do you want for Christmas?
.
Against All Odds
I wrote this almost ten years ago. I was managing a toy store, and found myself working with a high ratio of women to men (high school girls = lots, guys = me). I ran across it and laughed enough to post it here. Even though the tone in the post is complaining about the amount of estrogen, it couldn't have been that bad. One of the females mentioned was so beautiful and awesome, she's now my wife!
--
I'm outnumbered. It's hopeless, and I give up. The game is thrown, and I am left as alone as Tom Hanks and as beaten as the Arizona Cardinals.
That's right, I work with a store full of girls. I am the single male in the workplace. I am constantly seeing girls running around dressed like Eskimos while whining incessantly about the temperature. The employee journal and dry erase board are full of doodles of flowers and hearts. Easter candy is popping up in my box, and I know the Easter Bunny hasn't come yet. He wouldn't be able to make it through the stack of purses and lovely handbags.
The bathroom is clean and smells rosy fresh. I've even been trained to put the toilet seat down. Husbands may not learn their entire lives to do this, but that's because for them the female to male ratio is one. For me, it's around fourteen. When you've been cornered by fourteen angry girls, putting down the toilet seat is easy to do.
I am critiquing prom dresses by the dozens. I am now considered an expert. You see, I am not naive or dumb enough to say what I really think. Each and every dress is stunningly gorgeous on each of its models and brings out the best qualities of each girl. I have made the innocent mistake of flattery, and now they're hooked. They parade before me in colorful costumes clammering for accolades.
I am learning to gift wrap. Even though I cringe and develop a twitch when a customer requests this service, I can now fudge my way through it. I still have plenty to learn. My idea of wrapping a gift involves the funnies page and a twisty tie. A girl's idea of wrapping a gift includes sharp corners and immaculately flat sides. I think they use an iron to get the wrinkles out. Cards, stickers, and fourteen feet of ribbon are essential. This is no light undertaking. Plan on using an entire afternoon or longer. We actually have customers coming back to pick up their gifts days later. My wrapping does not qualify as a work of art, but it will get you on your way in thirty seconds flat. I accept no responsibility if you are later coerced into bringing the present back because it looks like it had a run-in with with Senor Papershredder and Monsieur Weedeater in a dark alley.
Speaking of gifts, the girls feel compelled to aid me in my routine searches for (belated) gifts. If I know it's my dad's birthday, I will buy something, and quick. The girls despise this, because it "shows no thought". A girl, even if flawless in every other way, needs her gifts to "show a little thought", which is defined as "shopping every store in the known universe until the recipient is dead, in which case you should do the thoughtful thing and pick up a sympathy card as well."
Hmmm...a sympathy card. That would be a nice touch. I sure could use one. I could decorate the envelope with pretty stamps and stickers. But first, I need to go get a sweater because it's really cold in here. Really, really cold. I'm freezing.
.
--
I'm outnumbered. It's hopeless, and I give up. The game is thrown, and I am left as alone as Tom Hanks and as beaten as the Arizona Cardinals.
That's right, I work with a store full of girls. I am the single male in the workplace. I am constantly seeing girls running around dressed like Eskimos while whining incessantly about the temperature. The employee journal and dry erase board are full of doodles of flowers and hearts. Easter candy is popping up in my box, and I know the Easter Bunny hasn't come yet. He wouldn't be able to make it through the stack of purses and lovely handbags.
The bathroom is clean and smells rosy fresh. I've even been trained to put the toilet seat down. Husbands may not learn their entire lives to do this, but that's because for them the female to male ratio is one. For me, it's around fourteen. When you've been cornered by fourteen angry girls, putting down the toilet seat is easy to do.
I am critiquing prom dresses by the dozens. I am now considered an expert. You see, I am not naive or dumb enough to say what I really think. Each and every dress is stunningly gorgeous on each of its models and brings out the best qualities of each girl. I have made the innocent mistake of flattery, and now they're hooked. They parade before me in colorful costumes clammering for accolades.
I am learning to gift wrap. Even though I cringe and develop a twitch when a customer requests this service, I can now fudge my way through it. I still have plenty to learn. My idea of wrapping a gift involves the funnies page and a twisty tie. A girl's idea of wrapping a gift includes sharp corners and immaculately flat sides. I think they use an iron to get the wrinkles out. Cards, stickers, and fourteen feet of ribbon are essential. This is no light undertaking. Plan on using an entire afternoon or longer. We actually have customers coming back to pick up their gifts days later. My wrapping does not qualify as a work of art, but it will get you on your way in thirty seconds flat. I accept no responsibility if you are later coerced into bringing the present back because it looks like it had a run-in with with Senor Papershredder and Monsieur Weedeater in a dark alley.
Speaking of gifts, the girls feel compelled to aid me in my routine searches for (belated) gifts. If I know it's my dad's birthday, I will buy something, and quick. The girls despise this, because it "shows no thought". A girl, even if flawless in every other way, needs her gifts to "show a little thought", which is defined as "shopping every store in the known universe until the recipient is dead, in which case you should do the thoughtful thing and pick up a sympathy card as well."
Hmmm...a sympathy card. That would be a nice touch. I sure could use one. I could decorate the envelope with pretty stamps and stickers. But first, I need to go get a sweater because it's really cold in here. Really, really cold. I'm freezing.
.
Why Men Will Not Go Shopping
There are many differences between men and women, such as shopping.
A man will not 'shop'. It is dull, pointless, and the root of all evil. The more time spent in stores is just that: more time spent. Time is money, which manages to get spent, too. A woman, however, finds this nefarious activity absolutely spellbinding. To them, it's great: Go spend someone else's money on clothes you will wear only in the dressing room. This is the only chance they will have to wear them, because the $100 'must-have' outfit will be out of style by the time she gets home. She will (again) have 'nothing to wear'.
This logic boggles a man's mind. He can wear sixth generation jeans with fourteen holes in each leg for a month before it bothers him. He does not care how he looks. He has no idea what the inside of a dressing room looks like. He spends no time there, yet he is perfectly satisfied with his clothes. They smell halfway decent and fit fine.
A woman is horrified by this type of lifestyle. All items owned by her must be new and have several duplicates waiting just in case. This is why some females walk around with a purse and a backpack. One is for storage, and the other is for...more storage. This abundance of storage is needed to contain all the items captured during her latest 'shopping adventure' (oxymoron alert!).
Men have shorter attention spans than women. If an item doesn't immediately grab their attention, it deservedly loses it. Shopping serves no practical purpose for men. We need fast-paced action, such as football.
Rather than go shopping, a man prefers to 'gift retrieve'. This bright idea may come as a shock to all the shopping addicts. Here's how it works:
After an intense football game in the park with his buddies, a man might think to himself, "Hmmm. I stink worse than my great Aunt Ida does while 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' on a hot day. Better go buy some soap." He then heads to the corner store to get some soap. While he is hunting for the kind that does not make him smell like wild berries, he walks past several kinds that do. On a wild whim, he grabs one of these for his girlfriend. She enjoys smelling like wild berries. He pays for the soaps and then goes home, because he is done. He will not wander and peruse any further, since there is no need to. He will find himself extremely proud for two reasons: He actually bought her something, and her birthday is coming up anyway. He can honestly say he remembered!
Women can focus on one thing for hours. If an item is on sale, regardless of what it is, then a woman must study it and compare prices and features. Then she will be able to make an informed consumer decision, such as which overpriced eyeliner is the smarter buy.
What makes this habit unbearable for men is that we get dragged along for the ride. Women, if your man says the first outfit you try on is the perfect one, don't assume he's lying. He's probably telling the you the truth, since he thinks you look great in anything. However, he is getting an added benefit - you might take him at his word and actually buy it...and then go home. It may not have happened this easy in the history of your marriage, but he still believes it could happen today...
...until you frown at him and try on the next thirty-two outfits.
Oh, well. It was worth a try!
A man will not 'shop'. It is dull, pointless, and the root of all evil. The more time spent in stores is just that: more time spent. Time is money, which manages to get spent, too. A woman, however, finds this nefarious activity absolutely spellbinding. To them, it's great: Go spend someone else's money on clothes you will wear only in the dressing room. This is the only chance they will have to wear them, because the $100 'must-have' outfit will be out of style by the time she gets home. She will (again) have 'nothing to wear'.
This logic boggles a man's mind. He can wear sixth generation jeans with fourteen holes in each leg for a month before it bothers him. He does not care how he looks. He has no idea what the inside of a dressing room looks like. He spends no time there, yet he is perfectly satisfied with his clothes. They smell halfway decent and fit fine.
A woman is horrified by this type of lifestyle. All items owned by her must be new and have several duplicates waiting just in case. This is why some females walk around with a purse and a backpack. One is for storage, and the other is for...more storage. This abundance of storage is needed to contain all the items captured during her latest 'shopping adventure' (oxymoron alert!).
Men have shorter attention spans than women. If an item doesn't immediately grab their attention, it deservedly loses it. Shopping serves no practical purpose for men. We need fast-paced action, such as football.
Rather than go shopping, a man prefers to 'gift retrieve'. This bright idea may come as a shock to all the shopping addicts. Here's how it works:
After an intense football game in the park with his buddies, a man might think to himself, "Hmmm. I stink worse than my great Aunt Ida does while 'Sweatin' to the Oldies' on a hot day. Better go buy some soap." He then heads to the corner store to get some soap. While he is hunting for the kind that does not make him smell like wild berries, he walks past several kinds that do. On a wild whim, he grabs one of these for his girlfriend. She enjoys smelling like wild berries. He pays for the soaps and then goes home, because he is done. He will not wander and peruse any further, since there is no need to. He will find himself extremely proud for two reasons: He actually bought her something, and her birthday is coming up anyway. He can honestly say he remembered!
Women can focus on one thing for hours. If an item is on sale, regardless of what it is, then a woman must study it and compare prices and features. Then she will be able to make an informed consumer decision, such as which overpriced eyeliner is the smarter buy.
What makes this habit unbearable for men is that we get dragged along for the ride. Women, if your man says the first outfit you try on is the perfect one, don't assume he's lying. He's probably telling the you the truth, since he thinks you look great in anything. However, he is getting an added benefit - you might take him at his word and actually buy it...and then go home. It may not have happened this easy in the history of your marriage, but he still believes it could happen today...
...until you frown at him and try on the next thirty-two outfits.
Oh, well. It was worth a try!
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