Field Notes From The Office

I noticed the microwave in the breakroom at work didn't have the time set. It doesn't flash 12:00; it's just blank. It's been that way for years since no one has ever bothered to set the time. So I thought it might be nice to finally get that done while I waited for my coffee to brew.

I set the clock to 2:30, because I figured a good way to start the day would be in the afternoon.

I love the cleaning crew at my work. They do a great job. I'm sure this would be a pretty gnarly place without them. I don't mean to complain; I'm simply confused how every evening, without fail, they manage to clean the men's rooms on all six floors at the exact same time (from 5 to 7, which is when I leave). Is this even physically possible, or are they just playing a joke on me? There's been an evening or two where I've seriously had to consider leaving a present in the parking lot.

I think Jim should be the new boss.


What's going on at your place of business? Who should take over for Michael?
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Stuff Popping Around In My Head, Part IV (Ivy) (Not Poison)

So apparently you're supposed to wash your coffee mug every day. One of my coworkers had an intervention with me the other day. Turns out the phrase 'that time of month' refers to something else...

Another one of my coworkers went out of town for a month and left his plant with me. I agreed to water it every day. It's been a week and a half now. The funeral service is tomorrow. This is the third office plant I've killed. Don't worry; my coworker's not dumb - he's new.

I ordered deodorant on Amazon two weeks ago. It got here today. Maybe Jana will let me come home now.

If you want to know where something is located in Babies Backwards R Us, let me know. It's become my home away from home. We spent 4 hours there last Saturday. Guess what we bought? That's right; a pacifier. That's it.


What color socks aren't you wearing?


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Office Coffee Etiquette

You're tired.  You're running late.  You throw your stuff down at your desk, grab your coffee mug and head to the break room.

You add some Splenda and non-dairy cream to your cup, and move in to the coffee pot.  If yours is like ours, it's a vacuum-sealed thermos.  You position your mug below the spout and use your last bit of energy pushing down the handle.

*thhhhhissssss*

Your heart sinks as you realize you're the last schmuck to the coffee party.

I hate empty coffee pots.  The disappointment, the shattered hopes and dreams.  Coffee pots are meant to be full of joy, promise, and coffee.

Here's a few ground rules on the office morning coffee routine:

1.  If you take the last cup, make another pot.  No exceptions.  I don't care how busy you are.  If you leave me an empty pot, you're a jerk.

1a.  Exception - if you made the original pot yourself, you've fulfilled your coffee duty for the morning.
1b.  I know I said no exceptions, but I did this earlier today, so I had to add the exception to keep myself from being a jerk.  Hey, I was busy.

2.  If you're making a fresh pot, empty and rinse the pot before brewing.  I thought this would go without saying, but you should meet some of my coworkers.  Nasty people.

2a.  Okay, this may have been me again.  I'm sorry.

3.  If you start brewing a pot, don't walk away in impatience.  You'll forget, and we'll be left with fresh cold coffee.  Sit it out and put the thermos lid back on when you're done.  We'll thank you later by not throwing staplers at you.

3a.  I know, I know.  I'm the worst one at this.  Guilty, Your Honor.

4.  If you're getting a cup for yourself, bring one for Kay as well.  Kay is our receptionist.  She's an angel, and she deserves it.

4a.  Guilty again.

Did I miss anything?


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