Why I Shouldn't Be an Olympic(s?) Judge

The Olympics: Where you work your entire life to have me judge you from my couch.


Jana and I were watching one of the swimming semi-final race thingies the other day. We were rooting for the American, Whatshername, in lane 5.


The race was close, and we couldn't tell who was going to pull it off. We leaned forward in our seats, shouting, "Go! Go!"


The results popped up on the screen, and I sat back, deflated.


Jana, on the other hand, threw her hands in the air. "Yay!"


Me: What do you mean? She lost.


Jana: What? No, she didn't. She won!


Me: No, lanes 1, 2 and 3 won.


Jana: Um...that shows who came in 1st, 2nd and 3rd.


Me: 


Jana: Dork.




Are you watching the Olympics?
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Ricky's Olympics

The Olympics are coming. I get excited when it's time to watch the Olympics. The competition, the talent, the sportsmanship if we remember to get around to it.

After seeing some of the sports that will be featured, I got to wondering what I'd be good at.

Swimming? Nope. Gymnastics? Ha. Running? Not likely, unless there's bears involved.

So I decided I'd have to create my own events.

• Hastily Hitting the Honey-Do List Right Before My Wife Gets Home From Work
• Can't let her know I've been blogging all day!
• Wait Lifting
• I've been waiting to lift heavy weights for years. I intend for that streak to become a world record.
• Modern Puntathlon
• I can walk around and tell bad jokes ALL DAY LONG.
• Driving
• Similar to its water-based counterpart, diving, except you stay in your car and order Chik-Fil-A.
• Requestrian
• From the couch you must ask for, and receive, two cold drinks and three snacks within a 60 minute window. If you get slapped, you lose.

How would you do in my Olympics?

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