South Beach is for losers.
The Daniel Plan will only fill you with carrots before the lions get you.
My new diet plan is the way to go. On the Pneumonia Diet, I lost 22 pounds in 3 weeks. And since I got sick right after New Year's, that means I had more than accomplished my resolution of 15 pounds before January was out. No other diet plan can claim this kind of success.
Side effects may include respiratory failure, delusional ambulance rides, long hospital stays and hair loss.
I'll be writing a bestselling book about it, and will probably be featured on Dr. Oz's weird show. You would not believe how much of that show I was subjected to in waiting rooms for all my follow up doctor appointments.
How are your New Year's Resolutions coming along?