Team Coverage of the Zip Line Straitjackets

How many of us aren't sick of the local news? It's 3 minutes of Gloom 'n Doom, followed by a 2 minute medical report telling you to avoid bananas because they cause cancer but to eat lots because they aid in weight loss, and capped off with 17 minutes of Live Team Coverage of the Fact It's a Tad Bit Windy Outside.

Sometimes I go back through old messages on my phone to clean out junk I don't need. I'm looking at a message right now from an old friend. It says, "Right on buddy, stay in touch." It's from January 18th. I never replied.

I have never heard the song Christmas Shoes, but I have heard everyone complain about it. It still can’t be worse than The Little Drummer Boy. The reindeer should have run over the Little Drummer Boy, not Grandma. Per rumpa pum THUMP.

When the Boss asked for ideas for 2014, apparently she wasn't looking for awesome ideas like “Install zip line from roof to parking garage.”

Sometimes when I’m dancing I forget the work elevator has cameras.

Curse Allen and his wrenches. Long live King Philip!

Straitjackets get a bad rap. A little re-branding and they’d sell like hot cakes to parents of toddlers. I mean, it worked for the leash, right?

What's your best idea for 2014?.