Secret Squirrels and Solar Flares

  • We just had an IT Department (me) meeting. We needed to prioritize the day's activities. Our decision? Eat the grapefruit.
    • I now have a mini fridge in my office. I hide it under my desk since I don't know if it's allowed.
      • It has grapefruit in it.
  • I wish the horn in my car had two settings: A light and happy, "Please pay attention to the green light. Thanks!", and a hot and heavy, "Quit trying to run me over with your obnoxiously large truck!"
  • My boss just came in and said, "Can you help me send the client a file in Secret Squirrel Mode?"
    • "Do you mean encrypted?"
      • "Yeah, that!"
  • We got an IT questionnaire from a vendor. One of the questions was "Do you encrypt all laptops while at rest?"
    • I resisted the urge to respond that our laptops are only encrypted when they are moving. That's how you scramble the data on the drive, right?
  • I moved 8 employee's computers to different desks this morning. That will make 8 new helpdesk tickets when they come in. Users have a knack for not telling you about random small issues with their computers, and then blaming it on you whenever there's a change.
    • Example: User: I'm locked out of my account. It must be because I switched desks.
      • Me: And solar flares.

Tell me something funny and/or not funny. Happy Monday!