I have no idea how to grill chicken. If you're having chicken at my place, you're a gambler.
My wife: Did you check the chicken?
Me: It's still there.
Bananas don't make good weapons. They're too Dole.
There's no such thing as a free lunch. Unless someone gives you lunch for free.
When I'm in charge, we're not having the usual "Candy Dish By the Receptionist". We're having the "Beef Jerky and Doritos Bucket By Ricky".
Chicken noodle soup is how you punish sick people.
If you order a last minute lunchtime meeting, you should also be required to order a last minute lunchtime pizza.
At some point you say to yourself, "Self - today is not getting any better. So we shall have a cookie instead."
Do you like food too?