The $287 Bill

The man approached the bank teller with confidence.

He handed him a crisp bill with Lincoln's face on it.

Man: Hi. I'd like to get change for this.

Teller: Will five ones do, or do you need quarters as well?

Man: No, I'd like 14 twenties, and 7 Susan B. Anthonys.

Teller: What? This is a $5.

Man: No, it's a $287 bill.

Teller: There's no such thing!

Man: But there should be!

Teller: And yet there isn't!

Man: *Grabbing a pen* There is now...pass over my Susan B. Anthonys!

Teller: Just because you write "287" on it and cross out the "5" doesn't make it a $287 bill.

Man: Sure looks that way to me! What gives you the right to decide?

Teller: This is a $5 bill. That's what the U.S. Treasury intended it to be. No more, no less. I don't make the rules, Sir. I don't have to like the rules, but I do have to comply.

Man: But I would be a lot happier if this was a $287 bill! Why don't you want me to be happy?

Teller: I'd like for you to be happy, Sir. I just would like for you to be happy with a $5 bill.

Man: You bankers and your rules! If you all would just relax, we could all have our own way and be happier. What do you care if this bill is a $5 bill or a $287 bill? It doesn't affect you. You wouldn't be giving me your own personal money as change; it would be the bank's.

Teller: If everyone made their $5 bills into $287 bills, inflation would make the $287 bill the new $5 bill. We wouldn't accomplish anything but driving prices higher. And I don't know about you, but I don't want things to cost more. I'd have to live in the world you created, which isn't the way things were intended to be. That's how it affects me.

Man: You're so hateful and judgmental!