Steve: Hi, my name is Steve, and I abuse computers. Group: Hi, Steve! Group Member: Why do you abuse computers? Steve: I don't follow my company's Acceptable Use Policy. I connect my iPod to an unauthorized wireless network. Group: Gasp! Steve: I just have trouble accepting the quiet without Pandora and the boredom without Words With Friends. I need to give it up and learn to forgive myself. Group Member: Hi, my name is Ethel, and I abuse computers. Group: Hi, Ethel! Ethel: I like being forward. I love forwarded emails, and I love forwarding emails on. To everyone. Group: Gasp! Ethel: I love the colorful 72 point font, and I giggle with pleasure when there's cats and flashing exclamation points. I need to learn to hit 'Delete' instead of 'Forward'. Group Member: Thanks, Ethel. My name is Max, and I abuse computers. Group: Hi, Max! Max: I love Facebook - not that there's anything wrong with that! Some of my best friends are on Facebook! I just don't use it for stalking old crushes and keeping in touch with my extended family, like I should. I play Mafia Wars and Farmville. I poke my friends and send them birthday cakes. I sign them up for every cause I can find. Group: Gasp! Group Member In the Back: Stone him! Max: I need to learn to use Twitter and just connect with people. I don't need the annoying apps. Group Leader: I'm proud of all of you for coming. That's all for this week. Next week, we'll focus on something big. Something that can save you from your abusive ways. Can anyone tell me what that is? Max: Hand sanitizer? Group Leader: Close, but more like hand sanitizer for your computer. Repeat after me - 'Micro-soft Se-cur-ity E-ssen-tials.' Until then, I want you all to practice rebooting.